Super Koopas
by Walkazo
Summary: First in the "Super Koopa" trilogy. Bowser's long lost wife returns with plans to remove the Mario bros. from the picture, forever.
1. Prologue: The Prediction

**Disclaimer****: I don't own **_**Mario**_** and all that jazz. But I do own the story, the personalities of Bowser's father and mother, and everything to do with his wife (name included, and though I would be flattered if someone else felt like using it, I'd still like them to ask permission first).**

**Author's Note****: I came up with this story in 2006 and published it in 2007 following its prequel **_**The Queen of the Koopas**_**, (which I recommend reading before this fic, as it contains spoilers for **_**QotK**_**). However, I found **_**Super Koopas**_** immensely unsatisfactory as the first of my **_**Super Koopa**_** trilogy, and have edited it mercilessly since its publication; odds are, I will continue to tweak it in the future.**

Super Koopas

The lightning split through the sky, throwing Koopa Castle into sharp relief for one blinding moment before it was swallowed up in the pitch-black night. It was the wet season in Dark Land so the great lava pools surrounding the fortress were crusted over, preventing the molten rocks from casting their angry red glow on the castle. With storm clouds filling the skies night and day, Dark Land certainly lived up to its name at this time of year, though this particular stormy evening seemed blacker than usual.

The castle was silent and dark, the candle brackets in the hallways left unlit by the servants who were waiting anxiously alongside the soldiers in the entrance hall for the arrival of the heir to the Koopa Kingdom's throne. Dragon-Koopa pregnancies, while incredibly short, were not pretty, with the females turning violent and unruly. Everyone was nervous; no one wanted to see Queen Clawdia Koopa less than her usual self – a picture of grace, kindness and perfection. And she had not disappointed them, forcing herself to remain civil though her instincts screamed otherwise.

Regardless, Chief Advisor Kamek Koopa had insisted no one was to see her for the week of her pregnancy except himself and her husband. Then, when she went into labour Kamek had the halls cleared, lest someone's mental image of the queen was marred by the echoing sound of her maternal pain. Without the care of the servants, the howling winds of the thunderstorm quickly blew through the glassless windows of the ancient castle, extinguishing the few torches that had been lit and plunging the citadel into total darkness, inside and out.

Even the birthing room was black, with one faint candle left flickering in the night, its feeble rays not even reaching the walls. Fifteen minutes ago they had started off with many lights, but as Clawdia painfully tried to lay her first egg, the flames flickered and died one after another in the damp and moldy air. Any other day, King Morton Koopa would have simply turned his head and re-lit the candles with his firebreath, but this night was different, and all he could do was stand and stare at the dimly lit scene before him.

He wanted to look away from his mate Clawdia, not bearing to see her shimmering rainbow hair plastered against her sweaty face, her perfect features lost in exhaustion and pain as she crouched panting and heaving on her bed. It sickened him to see her tail in the air, indecently exposing her hindquarters to Kamek. While he _was_ Morton's closest and most trusted friend and ally, the King of the Koopas felt somewhat violated by the Magikoopa's view of the Koopa Queen.

Clawdia's body suddenly tensed up. Recognizing the contraction, Kamek once again instructed the female to push. Morton wrinkled his snout in mild disgust as his wife shuddered and screamed in pain and frustration, trying to evict the egg from her body, only to be unsuccessful once again. Her head fell back onto the pillows, "I'm sorry Kamek," she panted.

"It's okay, Your Highness," responded the Magikoopa. "You almost had it – next time it will be over for sure."

"I hope so," moaned Clawdia, closing her watering eyes and gulping in air as if she had just run a marathon.

Morton remained silent; he didn't even extend a comforting hand to his wife. He was just so anxious – so much was at stake this night. He was facing a war with the Mushroom Kingdom, and he needed to be sure he had an heir to go on in case he fell. If something went wrong – if Clawdia died – Morton didn't know what would happen. The people loved the queen as much as they respected and feared their king; if she was lost, they might not march into battle so easily. Then there was the fact that Morton had just robbed all the other members of his species of their royal titles and power, effectively forcing most of them out of the newly formed Koopa Kingdom: finding a new mate would be quite difficult.

Suddenly Clawdia breathed in sharply and went rigid. "Right, now push!" commanded Kamek from behind her.

The Koopa Queen held her breath and once again shuddered at the effort, and as she let out another echoing scream a blinding light appeared behind her.

"What?" gasped Morton as Clawdia went limp on the bed, her job finished as Kamek held up a brilliantly glowing white egg. Morton walked around the bed and took the egg; it was quite warm, and the fluids that had coated its shell were already evaporating away.

"Do you know what this means?" breathed Kamek in wonder as he passed on the egg. "The child that hatches from that egg will be nearly invincible, and more powerful than any other Dragon-Koopa alive."

"The light, it signifies his great energy?" pondered Morton, examining the egg, knowing that the baby would be a male from the egg's lack of spots (a characteristic of female eggs only).

"Yes," said Kamek. "It is a rare condition known as Near-Immortality, I don't think there's been a case of it for two generations. This child, he will be a great warrior, and if I may be so bold, I predict he will also be a great leader. Perhaps even greater than you – the most powerful King of the Koopas we have ever seen, second to none but Queen Koopa of ancient lore."

Morton smiled at the thought. "The kingdom shall rejoice at that. My second victory: first unifying the Koopa people of Dark Land, now delivering to them a heir, powerful beyond our wildest dreams."

"In _your_ wildest dreams perhaps," Morton looked around. He had nearly forgotten Clawdia, the perfect mother of his perfect egg. She had propped herself up and was now kneeling on the bed and while she still looked tired, she reached out and took the glowing egg from Morton, holding it aloof and watching as the white light it emitted reached all corners of the room. "Myself, I never thought our child could be anything more or less than what he is. And what he is, is our son, Bowser Koopa."

-xxxxx-

Two months later as old weaponry was being taken out of storage in preparation for Morton's war with the Mushroom Kingdom, an inanimate Bonsai Bill exploded. It took out the castle foundations and killed the hundreds of Koopas that had been inside it, including Morton and Clawdia. Kamek had the good fortune of being out at the time, only to return and find the sole survivor of the cataclysm was Bowser – the egg that still glowed with the magic that had spared it from death.

The power continued to fill Bowser as he hatched and grew from a child to an adult, but despite his immense energy and his Near-Immortality, the Dragon-Koopa never found greatness. He was defeated at nearly everything he did by two human plumbers: Mario Mario and Luigi Mario. All Kamek had taught him in his childhood was wasted as the Koopa Prince (and later the Koopa _King_) was beaten down time and time again by the plumber twins.

No matter what the Koopas did, Mario and Luigi would find some way to beat them. The people hated Bowser for always losing, yet still going back for more, and bringing about the pointless deaths of countless Koopan soldiers and civilians alike. It wasn't determination but stupidity in their eyes that Bowser did all this, and they ridiculed his reason for it all: his hopeless love for the Mushroom Kingdom's Princess Peach Toadstool.

Even Kamek felt like a fool for predicting that hapless Bowser would have grown to be the greatest Koopa King of all time. He rued the day Morton died, and joined in with the people's bitter feelings towards Bowser Koopa, as the ill-fated king led the Koopas down a dark and winding road to ruin and despair.


	2. The Return of the Queen

Chapter 1: The Return of the Queen

Exactly thirty-five years after the night of his laying, on a day just as dark and stormy as that night had been, King Bowser Koopa found himself locked away in his room, desperately wracking his brain for some way to defeat his arch-nemesis. Above his desk hung a map of the Mushroom World, with Dark Land covering the eastern Coast of the Mushroom Continent; little markers dotting it and the surrounding kingdoms, pinpointing the castles and fortresses spread across the landscape. Bowser could clearly see where his castle was in the world: in the very heart of the Koopa Kingdom, in the most impenetrable part of southern Dark Land. Bowser's castle had been built in the same place that his father's had been; some of the original foundations were still in existence, such as the cavernous library, and the permanent records room, both of which were further underground than the castle's deepest and darkest dungeons.

Bowser could also see the Mushroom Kingdom's castle – Peach's castle. It was a fair distance between his impressive fortress and her picturesque palace, but that had never stopped Bowser from flying over in his Clown Car on an almost weekly basis and kidnapping her. He had been doing it for a few years now, and sometimes it was as simple as that: just flying over and plucking Peach from her balcony. Other times Bowser would summon his Chief Advisors Kammy and Kamek Koopa and they would put their heads together and come up with some elaborate scheme to steal the princess away. Of course, it didn't matter how simple or complicated Bowser's plot was: no matter what he did, in the end Mario would defeat him and take Peach back to her home.

Each and every time, Bowser would lose to the plumber and sometimes his brother as well. Once he even lost to _Peach_. The only times Bowser ever won was when he was on Mario, Luigi and Peach's side, the 'side of good' as the princess once put it. She told Bowser that if he just stayed a 'good guy' after he helped her and the others save the world, then he would continue to win. But Peach didn't understand. Bowser wasn't a 'good guy', he was 'evil', and he couldn't change as long as he lived, no more than she could.

Still, some days he wished things were different. Yes, Bowser was proud to call himself 'evil', but he despised what that entailed. In the Mushroom World, 'evil' meant you went around your business and chased after your dreams in a way the almighty Star Spirits frowned upon, and if they didn't want you to win, you don't. It made Bowser angry to think that Mario could murder hundreds of Koopas and get away with it because the Star Spirits decided he was 'good' and Bowser 'evil'. They weren't even part of the Mushroom World – they had their _own_ dimension, and Bowser didn't see why they _had_ to meddle in his. So what if Bowser wasn't a saint? So what if he'd only help someone if it benefited himself as well? That made him selfish and greedy, yes, but 'evil'? According to the Star Spirits, it did, and that it made him 'evil' as far as virtually everyone else was concerned too.

So Bowser was evil, but as far as he (and the citizens of the Koopa Kingdom) was concerned, that wasn't a bad thing. He did things the way his father had done, and his father before him. Bowser tried to take over the world using means endorsed by Koopas throughout the centuries, using means once employed by virtually _all_ beings long ago, be they Dragons, Toads, Humans or Dayzees. Back then, the Star Spirits didn't meddle with Mushroom World affairs. Back then, 'good' and 'evil' were in the eyes of the beholder, and the world was gray, not black and white. Bowser wished the world was like that now, but it wasn't. And the 'evil' Koopa King would never win.

Bowser shook himself out of his thoughts and turned back to the papers he had been brainstorming on. He reread the few lines he had scribbled down before growling in frustration and crumpling the paper into a ball, throwing it over his shoulder and into the overflowing garbage can in the corner. He had been at this for hours, trying to think up a bombshell plot to take Peach; a return to form like no one's seen before.

It needed to be good. Bowser had been out of commission for weeks now, and he needed to come back with a 'bang!' But the last couple times he had come out of a kidnapping hiatus, things had not gone well. A couple months back Bowser had teamed up with 'the good guys' to save the Mushroom World and a handful of other dimensions from an evil count. After it was all over, Bowser returned to his roots, and after a couple months of waiting for Mario to settle back into his quiet life, Bowser kidnapped Peach. Unfortunately Bowser didn't wait long enough, and Mario caught up with him much faster than the King of the Koopas had been expecting, leaving Bowser closer to death than he had ever been in his life.

Mario had pushed Bowser out of a window and cracked his shell open, threatening the balance between Bowser's protective energy and his body. For a few tense hours Bowser had been just as mortal as the weakest Goomba, and then it took him weeks to fully heal. Even after his shell fully sealed up and he could walk around once again, Kammy refused to let Bowser do anything _except_ walk around. She wouldn't let him breathe fire, cast spells or even go into his shell: nothing that would require any amounts of his magical energy.

It had given him time to think, and to dwell on some painful memories. He decided to start over, and in his grandest scheme yet, he took to the skies and endeavored to create his own Galaxy. He used the Stars to his advantage, and nearly got away with it, but then Mario destroyed his plans once more, and took the universe with it. The Stars restarted everything and restored the status quo, leaving Bowser to slink off to Dark Land and stew in his latest defeat. Unlike the last time, Bowser's inactivity was mental, not physical: if the biggest, baddest plan failed so spectacularly, what was there left for him to do?

Kammy had suggested a basic kidnapping to get him out of his funk, but Bowser refused, knowing it'd only make him look more pathetic. So he locked himself away, trying desperately to think of another show-stopping scheme… But nothing came to him. He couldn't turn to Kamek because he was on vacation, and Kammy had been no help, so the Koopa King grudgingly sent her away and found himself alone with his mental block.

Bowser slammed his fists down on the table with a frustrated roar. "Why?" he snarled, staring down at the blank paper before him. "Why can't I think of anything that will win?"

_I'll tell you why,_ he thought to himself bitterly. _Because I __**can't**__ win, not while Mario's around; not while he's the Star's precious little hero._

Bowser turned and stomped to the wall perpendicular to the desk, on it hung two pictures. One of Peach, smiling sweetly; and one of Mario, with a handful of darts stuck through his face. Bowser growled, simply throwing darts at Mario wasn't good enough this time: he wanted Mario gone. Bowser spat a ball of fire at the Mario picture, watching as it started to burn away into ashes. _If only it was the real Mario_, thought Bowser, smirking. But as he turned to return to his desk, he noticed something awful: the picture of Princess Peach had caught fire too!

"Ah!" yelped Bowser, hastily trying to blow out the flames, but his hot breath just made the flames grow. "No! No! No!" moaned the King of the Koopas, ripping the picture from the wall and throwing it to the floor, stomping on the flames with his massive feet. Behind him, a tall figure silently walked into view out in the shadowy hallway, pausing outside the open door.

Soon the fire was out, but the picture was half-burnt away and the corners that hadn't been burnt were frayed, the torn pieces still stuck to the wall by tacks. Besides, the undamaged parts were now wrinkled and covered in dirt from Bowser's feet: the picture was utterly ruined.

"Ugh, noooo," groaned Bowser, closing his eyes in despair. "Why me? Why's it always me? The other evil guys don't even have it this bad! Why am _I_ stuck with stupid Mario always ruining my life!"

Bowser was so busy wallowing in self-pity he still didn't realize he was being watched, and continued to rant and rave into space, his back towards the doorway and the person now leaning against it. "I mean, it's bad enough he always takes Peach away, but her picture too? He takes my land, he endangers my kids, he kills my subjects… He makes me look like a bumbling fool who can't do anything! He's cost me everything! My respect, my power, the love of my life…"

The figure's eyes narrowed at that, but Bowser still didn't sense he was in danger. Instead he sighed and looked down at the ruined picture of Peach Toadstool. "Man, I _am_ an idiot, aren't I? And a loser. She deserved better…"

Behind the lamenting king, the silent watcher shifted: Bowser wasn't talking about Princess Peach anymore. "What sort of loser would _lose_ to that stupid plumber his entire life? What sort of idiot would go back for more every time? She was right to go – it's no wonder she left, no wonder she's gone…"

"You're wrong," said the figure.

Bowser knew that voice, but he'd never expect to hear it again; he whirled around and faced the figure as she moved away from the doorframe and continued to speak. "You're not an idiot, and I'm not gone – not anymore."

"Bo- Bow-" stammered Bowser as the figure stepped out of the shadows and into the lightened room. He barely had time to take in her grass green scales, her pale yellow snout and belly, her shaggy blue hair tipped with purple and her gleaming white talons before her bright red eyes locked on his. He couldn't believe it, he thought he'd never see her again.

"Bowselta…" breathed Bowser. "But, how? I- I thought-"

"That I was gone forever?" said Bowselta Koopa, cutting across her husband.

"Uh, well, sorta, I mean, it's been three years-"

"Three years, two weeks and four days, you mean," smirked Bowselta.

"Uh, you… counted?" said Bowser in disbelief.

"No, I checked the calendar when I arrived," said Bowselta frankly.

"Oh," said Bowser, feeling a bit sheepish. "That works too."

Bowselta snorted. "As obtuse as ever, I see."

"Uh…" started Bowser, but he trailed off lamely as Bowselta brushed past him and looked around the room.

"Of course, I know _you_ haven't been counting the days," said Bowselta, stopping and glaring down at the ruined picture of Princess Peach.

"Uh, well, about her-" started Bowser hastily.

"Save it, I don't want to hear your excuses," snapped Bowselta, not even bothering to look over her shoulder at Bowser, leaving him staring at the back of her head, and at her dark green spiked shell.

"But, please, just let me explain-"

"No."

"But-"

"Bowser," warned Bowselta. "I told you I don't want to hear it, so shut up before I _make_ you shut up – by _force_."

Bowser did as he was told. His insides were squirming: she really _did_ hate him. She was only back to take away the kids, or to kill him and take the throne. She had always warned him that if she stopped loving him she'd do it. Bowser just couldn't believe that day had arrived. His heart was breaking all over again: he could never fight Bowselta – he still loved her…

"I don't want to hear your excuses because I know, deep down, she means nothing to you," said Bowselta, her voice soft. "And even if you do care about her, I know it's not love, it's not what you feel for me… and what I feel for you."

It took a moment for Bowser to register what his wife had told him, then his heart soared. "You mean, you aren't here to kill me? You still love me!"

"I believe, that's what I said," drawled Bowselta, looking back over her shoulder and catching Bowser's eye. She smiled and turned around again, walking over Peach's picture towards the desk.

Bowser hurried after her, taking in every aspect of her that he could. Every strand of hair, every bone in her long, waving tail, the coiled muscles of her powerful legs, the scales on her slender arms. He breathed in her scent and listened to her footfalls and the scraping of her toe claws on the concrete floor.

Then as Bowselta reached the desk and wheeled around, Bowser saw something troubling: a strange, dark patch on her right leg. It looked a bit like she had been splashed with black ink, with the dark colour radiating out from the centre, twisting and turning out along the contours of her scales as if it had bled into her skin.

"What happened to your leg?" asked Bowser, staring worriedly at the dark spot.

"Hmm, oh nothing," shrugged Bowselta nonchalantly, leaning back against the desk.

"But it looks really bad…" said Bowser.

"It's just a few dark scales," waved off Bowselta. "I just got a little hurt while I was away, and the living conditions weren't too great so the new scales grew back with a bit too much melanin, it's no biggie."

"You got hurt? How?" demanded Bowser.

"It's a long story," said Bowselta.

"We have time," insisted Bowser. "Where did you go? Why haven't I heard from you in three years? Do you know how worried I was, and how sad the kids were? How sad I was-"

"'Sad' huh? Is that why you locked all my stuff away in the basement? Or why you told Junior that _Peach_ was his mother? That was even more stupid than the time you kidnapped the darling princess in Dinosaur Land!" huffed Bowselta.

"I'm sorry," said Bowser earnestly. "It's just, I thought you left me because you were ashamed that I lost to Mario again. I was winning that battle for Mushroom Castle and I made a stupid mistake and I screwed it all up and-"

"Bowser, Bowser, Bowser," sighed Bowselta, shaking her head in disbelief. "It was the Star Spirits, remember? Sure you made some bad moves, but it was them rigging the fight that made you lose. Besides, you had already lost to Mario plenty of times and I had still stuck around. So, why in the world would you think I left after the one time you _weren't _really responsible for it all?"

"I dunno…" muttered Bowser. "As I said, I was an idiot, I wasn't thinking straight, I was just so sad. It hurt me more than you can imagine to think that I had lost you forever."

"At least you had the kids," said Bowselta bitterly. "At least you had Kammy, and the kingdom, and your home. Don't think I can't imagine what you went through because I had it worse: stranded in another world, with no hope in sight of returning."

"What happened? Where did you go?" asked Bowser.

"Answer my questions first," growled Bowselta, crossing her arms. Bowser couldn't help but notice she was still wearing her golden bracers, he was surprised they had survived the years she had spent… wherever she had been. She was also wearing her blue Paratroopa shell charm around her neck, though this didn't surprise him at all: she almost never took it off, it was practically part of her.

"Bowser?"

"Huh, oh sorry," said Bowser, realizing he had been staring. "Well, as I said, I was sad, and your stuff just kept reminding me you were gone…"

"So you decided to erase me. Out of sight, out of mind, right?" scowled Bowselta.

"I could never forget you," said Bowser quietly, looking down at his feet. Thinking back on what he had done, he felt childish and ashamed, Bowselta was right to be angry.

"If you could never forget me," continued Bowselta, "then how could you tell Junior that Peach was his mother?"

"I- I just didn't want him to grow up without a mother. I didn't want him to be sad…"

"And you _actually_ thought he'd believe Peach was his mother? _Peach_? I mean, come on!" said Bowselta, cruelly rolling her eyes at Bowser's stupidity.

"I told you, _I wasn't thinking_. I just wanted the pain to go away, and I thought Peach-"

"Would replace me?" challenged Bowselta.

"No!" said Bowser, aghast Bowselta could think that. "She could never replace you!"

"Then why have you been kidnapping her all the time these past few years? Why did you want _her_ to be your wife? Why did you love her?"

"I- I-" stammered Bowser, staring confusedly into Bowselta's accusing face. "But you said so yourself: you know I don't love Peach."

"You just lusted after her? A human? Fat chance!" spat Bowselta.

"No! No! You have it all wrong!" said Bowser, cowering from his wife. "I didn't want Peach like _that_."

"Then what did you want her for?" demanded Bowselta.

"I wanted her to love _me_," said Bowser, his voice pleading. "You have to understand, she was so nice and perfect and wonderful. After I lost her castle and you, I stopped trying to take over the Mushroom Kingdom. I stopped doing anything like that and she immediately extended her hand in friendship. I was lonely: I thought you had left me and hated me. I knew you were too strong to be kept away by anything less than a cataclysm of events, and if that _was_ the case then even if you hadn't left me on purpose, you were still gone, _forever_. You could have been dead for all I knew, and I couldn't deal with that alone – I couldn't do that to the kids. That's why I told Junior that Peach was his mother, because I knew she would be kind enough to act the part, for him and for all of them. She'd be a wonderful step-mom and she'd love them, and she'd love me. I just didn't want to be alone…"

He looked into Bowselta's eyes, she _had_ to understand why he did what he did, she _had_ to forgive him…

Bowselta gazed at Bowser's pleading face sadly, before sighing, closing her eyes and shaking her head wearily. "Oh Bowser, you _are_ hopeless, aren't you?"

"Please, I'm sorry, please," Bowser had never done _anything_ like this in his life – it was demeaning and shameful, but if it gave him back his wife, he would do it nonetheless.

The sound of his groveling made Bowselta grin. "You should hear yourself – you sound like I'm gonna kill you or something." She opened her eyes and looked at her husband kindly. "Don't worry Bowser, I understand what it's like to feel lonely like you did – it's like your whole world is ending, and nothing will make it right again."

Bowser nodded.

"But we're together again," continued Bowselta softly, putting her hand on Bowser's shoulder. "And you love me and I love you and that's all that matters."

Bowser reached up and covered his mate's hand with his own. Her skin seemed more callused than he remembered, but her touch was the same. Oh how Bowser had missed the feel of her razor sharp talons on his scales – any amount of pressure at all, and Bowselta could slice open his skin as if it was tissue paper. But she had never done it, and Bowser knew she never would.

Bowselta watched Bowser's face as her touch brought back long-buried memories of their years together. "Something on your mind?" she asked as she lay her other hand on Bowser's cheek and slid away from the desk.

"Something…" smiled Bowser, putting an arm around Bowselta's neck, pulling her towards him even more. She grinned and copied Bowser, sliding her hand from his shoulder and winding her fingers in his hair as he put his hand around her waist, and passionately kissed her.

The moment lasted an eternity as memories flooded over Bowser and Bowselta in their embrace. Memories of stolen moments in the abandoned city near the castle, of the secluded patches of green on the volcanic hills, of the comforting darkness of the castle at night where nothing mattered but the fact that they were together.

It was with some regret that Bowselta pulled away after a few mere minutes of silent and long-forgotten pleasure with her husband.

"What's wrong?" said Bowser. "I'm not _that_ rusty am I?"

"No!" chuckled Bowselta. "You were doing fine, but if we don't stop now we'll be at it for hours."

"So?"

"So," said Bowselta. "There are more important things we must attend to."

"Not that I can think of," grinned Bowser lasciviously, burring his snout into her neck.

Bowselta rolled her eyes good-naturedly. "What about our children? Ring any bells?"

"Oh… right," said Bowser with a sigh. "You want to see them, too, I imagine."

"I do indeed," said Bowselts.

"Okay, _fine_," relented Bowser, releasing his wife. "But we're continuing where we left off after that, right?"

"We'll see…" chuckled Bowselta as she made her way to the door, though they both knew the answer was a definite "yes".

"So, _now_ are you going to tell me where you were and what happened?" asked Bowser as they walked down the corridors.

"Later, in private," said Bowselta as a female Koopatrol came around a corner and bowed low as they passed.

Bowser frowned and looked back over his shoulder at the retreating figure. "Why wasn't he surprised to see you?"

"Most of the castle already knows I'm back, but I had Kammy make sure you and the Koopalings were left in the dark until I could tell you myself," explained Bowselta.

"Wait, _Kammy_? Exactly how long _have_ you been back?" gasped Bowser.

"I contacted the Kingdom around noon and ordered they put me straight through to her; it was really tough to get them to listen – they all thought it was some sort of prank call," said Bowselta.

"Oh, but how long've you been at the _castle_?"

"Less than an hour," said Bowselta. "I arrived, got new gold bracers from Kammy to look the part of a returning queen, made sure all my stuff was fine and then came straight up to see you."

"You checked on your stuff before your own husband?" said Bowser indignantly.

"Of course," grinned Bowselta maliciously, "I had to know whether or not I should punish you for hiding it all away."

"Uh…"

"But don't worry, you did a good job of storing it safely. My flute even looked freshly dusted."

"Yeah, that's probably Ludwig's doing, he likes to go down there sometimes – he's got a key to the storage room," said Bowser.

"He misses me that much?" asked Bowselta, touched by her son's affection.

"They all miss you! Lemmy and Larry go down with Ludwig sometimes, and once Morton got into reading, he combed the library for books that mentioned you. He even got into the permanent records room and I caught him perusing the medical records once, but I think he was just reading his siblings' records that time."

"I took a quick look at all the medical stuff too," mused Bowselta. "That fall of yours was nasty wasn't it? Kammy's still seems a little freaked out, especially after you dropped into a sun a month later..."

"Tell me about it!" chuckled Bowser as the two of them turned up the stairs. "She's been driving me crazy all day, the old hag!"

"She means well," said Bowselta. "And she cares about you – a lot."

Bowser shrugged. "That's her problem. But I guess it _was_ a good thing she was being irritating today, since then I had to send her away and you two could talk behind my back and set up this whole wonderful surprise."

Bowselta recognized the hint of sarcasm in Bowser's voice. "Fine, next time I come back home I won't even bother to tell you. You'll just be walking down the hall and I'll be there and you'll think you've gone insane and go crying to Kamek and he'll make fun of you and-"

"Okay, okay," winced Bowser. "I get it already! Jeez, you're back for less than an hour and you're already bossing me around!"

"Would you want it to be any _other_ way?" said Bowselta, arching her eyebrows and smirking expectantly.

Bowser sighed. "No, I guess not."

"Then stop whining," grinned Bowselta, leading Bowser out of the stairwell and down the quiet hallway.

-xxx-

It was pandemonium: a cataclysm of noise and destruction as the Koopalings made the most of their day, having been confined to the playroom by their father. He wanted silence as he dreamt up his next scheme, and if the Koopalings were free, that probably wouldn't happen.

On one side of the room Ludwig was using his newly invented self-playing instruments, conducting them with his magic want. On the other side, however, Wendy was playing her own tunes, and dancing on a bookshelf she had pushed over, using its flat wooden backing as a make-shift stage. Neither brother nor sister appreciated the other's music interfering with their own and over the past fifteen minutes they had taken turns to increase the volume of their melodies to try and drown the other our. As a result, both Wendy's boombox and Ludwig's instruments were belting out deafening noise; it was so loud _they_ couldn't even hear their own music clearly.

The rest of the Koopalings weren't being quite as loud, but that wasn't saying much. In the middle of the room, where Ludwig and Wendy's music battled for supremacy, Morton and Roy had been having a shouting match as Morton tried to explain to Roy that it was perfectly normal for a male Dragon-Koopa to be pink. Only hearing certain parts of Morton's rambling monologue over the unharmonious tunes, Roy soon got the impression his little brother was mocking him (as opposed to lecturing him on some recently-learned genetics), and was quick to react – with his fists. Now the two were wresting on the ground, clawing punching, kicking and biting at each other, and howling in rage and anger when they got clawed, punched, kicked or bitten themselves.

Above the violence hung Lemmy and Iggy, swinging from the golden chandeliers that hung from the ceiling. Lemmy was much more agile than Iggy and hopped between the chandeliers as fast as he could, forcing them to twist around their hangings and send their light cascading around the rooms in sickening swerving patterns. Iggy hung upside down on the largest one and watched the various patches of ground get plunged into light and sucked back into darkness by Lemmy's swinging chandeliers, all the while absentmindedly fiddling with one of the light fixtures.

"Come on Iggy, do something!" crowed Lemmy, doing a back-flip from one chandelier to another. "Stop being a stick-in-the-mud!"

"I _am_ doing something!" protested Iggy. "And I'm not a stick-in-the-mud!"

"You are to me!" grinned Lemmy, hoping on the light next to Iggy's. "Rewiring junk's not _real_ fun, come on! Live a little!"

Iggy watched as Lemmy laughed and swung away again. "Fine!" he called after his brother. "I'll do something!"

With that Iggy hopped to another chandelier, and then another. Sure he couldn't do anything fancy like Lemmy, but it _was_ pretty fun and he started grinning.

"See? Isn't this better than fiddling around with some dirty old wires?" asked Lemmy, having spotted the smile on Iggy's face.

"I guess," said the younger Koopaling, swinging his chandelier and watching as he sent light dancing across Roy and Morton's vicious battle.

Lemmy also swung his light and flipped into the air, not seeing Iggy do the same. They landed on the same chandelier and it couldn't take the strain, snapping from its chain.

"Crud!" said the two Koopalings in unison, before Lemmy leapt to another light and Iggy sprung up and grabbed the chain that used to support the chandelier crashing to the ground.

The chandelier smashed into pieces, sending bits of broken lightbulbs flying across the room. Iggy cackled at the destruction and jumped to another light fixture, spitting fireballs at the base of its chain, intent on sending it falling down too.

"Ooooh, good idea!" said Lemmy, seeing what his brother was up too, and copying him on another chandelier. "This is the sort of tinkering that _is_ fun!"

As too more lights fell to the floor with a "Bang!" Junior and Larry were in the midst of a frantic chase. Inspired by Roy and Morton's tussle, Junior had decided to pick a fight with Larry, having forgotten that Larry, being five years older than Junior, was much larger than the youngest Koopaling, and not someone to be trifled with. While Larry was usually quite mild-mannered, he enjoyed being able to push Junior around, since he couldn't do it to any of the older Koopalings. Therefore, he had set out to chase Junior down, and assert his dominance with violence.

"Sorry Larry, it was just a joke! I didn't _mean_ ta poke you in th' eye!" cried Junior over his shoulder as he skirted around a fallen chandelier.

"Liar!" bellowed Larry, barely able to hear Junior over Ludwig and Wendy's music.

"I'm not a liar!" screamed Junior, but his voice was drowned out as two more lights smashed on the ground.

"Just wait 'till I get a hold of you!" called Larry gleefully, enjoying the terror he was causing little Bowser Jr.

Above him Lemmy was hopping to his next target, having downed another chandelier. Unfortunately, he forgot that Iggy had already been messing with the light, and landed right on some open wiring.

He yelped in pain at the electric shock and kicked away from the chandelier with enough violence to snap it's chain. Now, Iggy and Lemmy have some sense, and when they went around dropping the light fixtures, they made sure they weren't aiming at their fellow Koopalings below. But Lemmy wasn't aiming this time, and the chandelier fell right down in front of Junior.

The Koopaling wailed in fear and ducked into his shell to avoid the flying shards of glass, but Larry wasn't so quick to react and tripped over Junior, flying headfirst into the smashed chandelier.

"Larry!" called Iggy from above, swinging from a nearby chain, right into Lemmy, who was also preoccupied looking below him.

"Ahh!" they both screamed as their skulls connected in midair. Lemmy was instantly dazed and fell from the light he had been perched on, landing right on top of Wendy. At the same time, Iggy lost his grip on the chain and was sent flailing down into Ludwig's circle of instruments.

-x-

Meanwhile, Bowser and Bowselta reached the door to the playroom. They had heard the ruckus all the way down the hall, but as Bowser put his claw on the handle the volume reached a crescendo. First there was a yelp, then a crash, then more cries of pain and crashing noises. Then both sets of music that had been playing were cut off in a horrible burst of noise, and Bowser and Bowselta could clearly hear what their kids were screaming at each other.

"My head!"

"LEMMY YOU'RE _DEAD_!"

"I got you now, sucka!"

"Vat vere you sinking, you idiots?"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Ow, my foot's burnt! OWW!"

"I'M GONNA SKIN YOU ALIVE!"

"Lemme go! Lemme go- Ow!"

"Of all zee most foolish sing's you've ever done, zis takes zee cake!"

"I think I'm bleeding!"

"It's your own fault you meanie! Waaaaa!"

"AND THEN I'M GONNA USE YOUR HIDE FOR SOME NEW BOOTS!"

"You could have killed somevone! Or yourself!"

"So I'm not someone now? Hee hee."

"My fooooooot! Owwwwwww!"

"Stop Roy, ugh – ow! That hurts!"

"Dat's what I'm goin' for!"

Bowser and Bowselta exchanged looks and Bowser threw the door open.

On one side of the room Ludwig was standing over a bunch of ruined instruments and was pointing his sparking wand accusingly at Iggy, who was sitting on the ground looking dazed. Nearby, Larry was crawling out of one of the many destroyed chandeliers, nursing a small scratch on his head and watching Junior, who was bawling his eyes out and lying spread-eagled on the floor. In the middle of it all was Roy, who had Morton in a headlock and was in the process of giving him a painful noogie. And finally, on the other side of the room Lemmy was holding his foot and moaning in pain while Wendy stood over him screaming death-threats into his teary face.

However as soon as the Koopalings heard the door bash open they froze, and looked up fearfully at their father, expecting some sort of chewing out for all the noise and destruction they had wrought. But it didn't come, instead Bowser just stared at the Koopalings, a strange look of amusement and embarrassment on his face that they didn't recognize as they gazed back at him with wide eyes, taking a moment to realize he wasn't alone in the doorway...

"Muzzer!" "Mum!" "Mommy!" "Ma!" "Mom!" exclaimed the seven eldest Koopalings, forgetting their arguments and injuries and racing across to the room as one, knocking their mother to the ground in their happiness and excitement of seeing her again.

"We missed you!"

"Why'd you leave?"

"What happened!"

"Roy said you were dead!"

"Did not!"

"Did to!"

"Shut up!"

"You shut up!"

"Kids! Kids! Please, one at a time!" chuckled Bowselta, sitting up as the Koopalings hopped around her, all of them fighting for her attention. All of them, that is, except Junior, who hung back beside the wreckage of the chandelier and watched the scene with confusion.

Bowser, who had been watching the touching scene between Bowselta and her older kids, noticed this. "Junior?"

The little Dragon-Koopa looked over at his father as the other Koopalings fell silent to watch what happened next. "So, that's my _real_ Mama?"

"Uh-" began Bowser sheepishly, but Bowselta interrupted.

"Yes, I am," she said, getting to her feet.

"But then, where were you all this time?" asked Junior. He had always assumed his mother was dead, judging by how no one in the castle would talk about it, and how Bowser told him Peach was his Mama. But here she was, alive and healthy. But, then again, what kind of mother would leave her family for so long, with no idea where she was or even if she was alive? Junior was already two and a half, and she was only coming back _now_? The little Koopaling didn't know what to feel: happy about her return? Or betrayed by her absence?

Bowselta saw Junior's confused and hurt face. She sighed. "I was on another world, in another dimension. I was trapped, and I didn't even mean to go in the first place. I'm sorry I haven't been here for you, for any of you," she said, looking around at the other Koopalings. "I'm sorry for making you worry about what happened to me, and for believing I had left, or died, or whatever you've been telling yourselves these past three years."

"Hey, don't be too hard on yourself," piped in Lemmy.

"Yes, it's not _your_ fault zat Fazzer decided to lie to Junior and pretend like you never existed," smirked Ludwig.

"Didn't we already have this conversation?" growled Bowser. "Besides, I already apologized to your mother about that, and to all of you for that matter."

"Oh, so _that's_ what you were talking about!" exclaimed Junior. "Back after you fell outta tha window, when Kammy said you were just bein' delirious!"

"Yep," said Bowser.

"Oh, okay, it makes sense now," smiled Junior, before looking up at his mother. "And I guess if you were stuck and didn't mean ta go away then I guess there's nothin' ta do than be happy you're back!"

"I guess," smiled Bowselta.

"I still wanna know what you've been up to though," said Bowser. "You don't have to worry about being eavesdropped on in here – the walls are made to muffle sound, the door too. As long as we don't scream everything, we'll be fine."

"No, no, they'll be plenty of time for that later," said Bowselta, crouching back down amongst the Koopalings and motioning for Junior to join the group. "Right now, we should just focus on being together… And on getting you two fixed up," she added, looking at Larry's cut forehead and Lemmy's electrocuted foot.

"I can do it!" said Ludwig, running over and picking up his wand. "I've been practicing all sorts of magic vit Kammy, and I can heal minor cuts and burns."

"I'm impressed," smiled Bowselta as Ludwig fixed up his siblings with two waves of his wand. She had missed all her kids so much; she had often worried that she'd never see them or Bowser again. The last three years had been the worst in her life, even worst than when she was orphaned and had to scrounge a living in the wilderness of Dark Land. But now she was back, and she'd never let her family be split up again, not as long as she lived.


	3. The Last Crusade

Chapter 2: The Last Crusade

"Do you want some more pasta, Luigi?"

"No, its okay, I'm full."

"_I_ would-a-like some more-a-pasta, Peach."

"Of course," chuckled the princess, passing the serving bowl across the table. "Here you go, Mario."

"Thank-a-you, Peach!" said the plumber, hungrily scooping the sauce-covered noodles onto his plate."

"You're welcome!"

"Jeeze Mario, that's your third helping," said Daisy, watching as he shoveled the food into his mouth.

"Oh that's nothing," smiled Luigi from beside the Sarasaland Princess. "He usually goes for fifths at dinner!"

"Hah! No wonder he's a bit porty," whispered Daisy. Luigi and Peach both chuckled; Mario kept eating.

"Oh Daisy, you should really have lunch with us more often!" said Peach.

"I know! This has been really fun!" agreed the other princess. It was Daisy's first visit to Mushroom Castle in a while, and Peach had decided to invite the Mario bros. over for a picnic out back in the garden.

Mario had finished his pasta in no time and set his fork down, smiling contentedly. "That was some good-a-pasta!"

"I'm glad you liked it!" said Peach, beaming down the table at Mario.

"I say, m'boy, would you like some more water to wash it all down?" asked Toadsworth, who was sitting beside Mario.

"Oh no! I like the-a-aftertaste!" said the plumber.

"Oh, so I guess I couldn't interest you in some salad then," said Daisy, while Luigi snickered.

"Actually," said Mario. "I do have a little room left in my-a-belly…"

Luigi looked up, surprised.

"But I think I'd prefer some-a-cake!" finished the plumber.

Peach chuckled. "Oh Mario, don't you remember what I said before? That I was only going to make you cake when you saved me from Bowser: that way it'd still be a special reward."

"But Peach, Bowser's done-a-nothing for a while, what if I don't need to-a-save you anymore?"

"Then the world will be a much better place," said Peach stiffly, not appreciation a serious thing like Bowser's kidnappings could be joked about like this.

"But would you never make me-a-cake again?"

"Never again."

"Oh nooooo!" cried Mario.

Everyone laughed, even Peach had to smile a little. "I'm sorry Mario, it's just the way it is."

"But I-a-_need_ cake!" wailed Mario, clasping his hands pleadingly.

"Aww, then it's a good thing I'm here," called a growling voice from above.

Everyone stopped laughing and looked up at Bowser's Clown Car flew out from behind a tree, the Koopa King inside it.

"Bowser! I thought you were-a-finished!" challenged Mario, jumping to his feet.

"Lucky for you I'm not, you cake-loving nincompoop plumber!" laughed Bowser.

"Lucky for all of us!" shouted Daisy, standing up. "'Cause there's no way you're taking Peach with all of us here! Meaning we'll _all_ get cake," she finished with a smirk.

"Who say's I'm just here for Peach?" sneered Bowser. Suddenly two ropes appeared from inside the Clown Car and shot towards Peach and Daisy, each one wrapping around its own startled princess and lifting them helplessly into the air.

"AAAHHHHH!" screamed Peach.

"Woah! Woah! Put be down!" bellowed Daisy, thrashing around.

"AAAAHHH! HELP ME MARIO! _HELP ME MARIO!_"

"Lemme go or you'll be sorry, Bowser!"

"Hurry Mario! Stop him! AAAAHHH!"

"Release them-a-Bowser!" ordered Mario.

"Yeah, or- or else!" said Luigi, his voice a bit more shaky than his brother's.

"Or else what? Mr. Green?" mocked Bowser.

"Or else this!" said Mario, pulling out a Fire Flower and sending some fireballs up towards Bowser.

The King of the Koopas ducked into the Clown Car as the fireballs flew over his head. "Gwa ha ha! You think that'll stop me? You guys should be called the _Stupid_ Mario Bros., ha ha!" he jeered, popping back up.

"Oooh! I'll get you-a-Bowser!" screamed Mario.

"Fat chance!" bellowed the Dragon-Koopa, turning the Clown Car around and flying away at full speed. "Catch me if you can! Suckers!"

"AHHHH! Help me Mario! _HEEEEEELLLLP!_"

"Put us down! You ugly, overweight turtle! Put us down! Ahhh!"

"Peach!" cried Mario.

"Daisy!" wailed Luigi. "Noooo!"

"Oh no! The princesses! That fiend! Mario, Luigi, you have to get them back!" begged Toadsworth.

"We-a-will!" promised Mario, running after the retreating Clown Car. "Let's-ago, Luigi!"

"Right behind you, bro!" called Luigi, hurrying after Mario.

"Good luck you two!" yelled Toadsworth, before adding in an undertone. "Please bring Peach back safely…"

-xxx-

Mario and Luigi's throats were burning and their legs were screaming in protest as they ran after the Clown Car. Usually they heard about Peach's kidnappings long after Bowser had gone and had to fight his armies of Koopas and Goombas to get to Dark Land. But this time, there were no baddies, and while this was usually a good thing, the Mario bros. were in no state to appreciate it as they ran after the Clown Car.

Luigi had a bad feeling about it all. This didn't seem like one of Bowser's normal plots; he wasn't even flying east to Dark Land, instead he was going south, towards the coast. And, to make things even stranger, Luigi always remembered the Clown Car going faster than it was. As if Bowser was going slow on purpose. As if he wanted Mario and Luigi to follow right on his heels, instead of taking their time and collecting Power-Ups to fight him…

"Hey Mario!" shouted Luigi brethlessly. "Do you think something's fishy about all this?"

"No!" shouted Mario, not even looking back at his brother as he ran.

"But don't you think that Bowser's going a bit slow? Like he want's us to follow him?"

"No!" shouted Mario. "He's got-a-Peach _and_ Daisy. The extra weight is what's-a-slowing him down!"

"I guess," said Luigi. "But why d'you think he's going south?"

"No-a-clue!" yelled Mario. "Now be quiet and-a-_run_!"

"Okay," muttered Luigi, still worried about what was going on.

-xxx-

It took nearly an hour for the Clown Car to reach the coast, and when that happened, Bowser turned around and called back to the Mario bros. "Man you guys are persistent, but let's see you follow me _now_! Gwa ha ha ha!"

Mario skidded to a halt at the concrete barrier of the pier. "Nooooo! Peach!"

"Help me Mario! Don't give up! Please HELP MEEE!"

"Yeah, you better get us outta here, Luigi! Ya hear me?"

"We'll-_gasp_-save-_gasp_-you!-_gasp_-Daisy!" panted Luigi, doubling over beside Mario.

"Don't sit-a-down Luigi! We have to do-a-something!" urged Mario angrily.

"Do what?" snapped Luigi, regaining his breath. "We don't have any Feathers or P-Wings or anything! Bowser had us too busy running that horrid marathon to collect any!"

"Ooohhh, that-a-monster! Since when did he-a-plan ahead?" growled Mario.

"He doesn't," huffed Luigi, pulling himself to his feet. "But that doesn't matter. Now we have to get some Power-Ups-"

"No! There's no-a-time!" shouted Mario.

"But what else can we do? It's not like there's any way we can go after Bowser like _this_!"

"Oh yeah? We can use-a-that!" said Mario, pointing at something behind Luigi.

The green plumber turned around and saw what Mario meant. At the far and of the pier was a bright red propeller plane, floating on its hull in the water and pointed out to sea.

"What? We can't just go and hijack someone's- hey!" cried Luigi as Mario pushed by him and ran to the plane. "Hey! Are you even listening to me? Mario! Wait for me!" he relented, rushing after his brother.

Beside the plane there was a sign reading: _Chartered Flights: Explore the Islands of the Mushroom Kingdom, only 100 coins per person._

"Uh, do you have two hundred coins Mario?" asked Luigi uneasily as the red plumber ran around the dock, casting off the ropes that held the plane in place.

"No, this is an _emergency_, we don't need to-a-pay!" insisted Mario, jumping up on top of the plane and down the open hatch located there.

"Grr," Luigi rolled his eyes and followed his impulsive brother.

Inside the plane was rather spacious. There were six windows (three on each side) with big comfy-looking chairs beneath each one. There was a hatch at the back of the room, where Luigi suspected the baggage was stored. At the front of the plane there was another door, large enough for even Bowser to fit through; on this, Mario was hammering.

"Mario! That's not polite!" gasped Luigi.

But whoever was in the cockpit didn't seem to mind. "Yes?" came a woman's voice over the intercom. "Can I help you? The flight's not due to set out for another half-hour."

"It's-a-me, Mario! Princess Peach has been kidnapped by-a-Bowser and I need your-a-plane to-a-save her!"

"Please, you need to help us!" added Luigi. "Princess Daisy of Sarasaland was taken too!"

"I see," said the voice. "I will be happy to help."

"Great!" smiled Luigi. "Bowser flew by here in his Clown Car, did you see him?"

"I believe so," said the voice. "I will start up engines and use the radar to find him. Please sit down and remain seated for the flight. I will follow Bowser and land where he lands, I'm afraid that's all I can do in this plane."

Mario scowled, he would have preferred to blast Bowser out of the sky himself. Luigi was more gracious. "You're very kind, thank you."

Luigi and Mario sat down as the propellers whirred to life and the plane cut across the harbor, eventually lifting into the air and continuing south. The person piloting the plane eventually told Mario and Luigi she had caught up with the Clown Car. Luigi thanked her and said nothing more – he was too worried about Daisy to talk.

Across from him Mario was also staring out his window. Every now and then he would go up to the door to the cockpit and ask where they were over the ocean, and what time it was. He even asked if he could come into up front and see the radar himself. The woman told him guests were prohibited from entering the flight deck, and Luigi felt the need to apologize for Mario's behavior.

"It's okay," said the voice. "I understand, he just wants to see what's going on and where we are with his own eyes. That's perfectly understandable, guests ask me to let them up front all the time, and they're just going on pleasure cruises – rescue missions are much more nerve-wracking."

"You're telling me," scoffed Luigi.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be more help," said the voice.

-xxx-

After hours of uneventful flying the sky began to fill with clouds and the ocean below turned gray and choppy. Luigi didn't like the looks of the weather – he had a feeling Bowser was behind it, and his suspicious were confirmed when the intercom came on and the pilot reported that the Clown Car was headed for some sort of boat. Luigi looked out the window as the plane flew down towards the pitching waves, banking slightly so it would come to rest alongside a large and foreboding raft.

It wasn't made of wood, but metal, and Luigi could hear it creak as the ocean rocked it up and down. "Do you see-a-Peach?" asked Mario.

"Uh…" Luigi could see the Clown Car, but before he had a chance to look for the princesses, the plane hit the water and the window was blocked by a flurry of spray.

The plane was still moving as Mario sprung up and opened the top hatch, jumping out of the plane without another word.

"Thank you," said Luigi, as he followed his brother through.

"It was my pleasure to help the Mario bros," said the voice.

-x-

"Release Peach, now!" ordered Mario as Luigi exited the plane beside him. "Release them both or I will-a-defeat you!"

"Oooh, I'm sooo scared," laughed Bowser. He was on the far side of the raft, standing beside a wooden stage, which held the Clown Cart so its propeller was suspended above the surface of the raft. Peach and Daisy were still tied up by the magical ropes, but were now seated in the Clown Car.

"Mario! Save us!" cried Peach.

"Yeah, get us outta here so I can give Bowser a piece of my mind!" snarled Daisy.

"I'll-a-save you!" promised Mario, leaping off the back of the plane and sprinting across the raft towards Bowser, Luigi hot on his heels.

"Gwa ha ha! Where've I herd _that_ before?" scoffed Bowser, breathing fire at Mario and Luigi and stopping the plumbers in their tracks.

"You're not going to hurt-a-Peach as long as I'm-a-here!" exclaimed Mario.

"Drain Brain! I'm hurt," said Bowser, putting a hand over his heart. "After all these years I've never laid a claw on Peachy here. Of course, today is far different than all the others."

"Oh yeah?" snarled Luigi.

"Oooh, since when did you have guts?" joked Bowser, before looking over at Daisy. "Oh, I see, since I stole _your_ girlfriend too, that's when. Gwa ha ha ha!"

"So one-a-princess isn't enough for you anymore? You-a-monster!" shouted Mario accusingly.

"Hardly," said Bowser, smiling triumphantly. "For your information, I don't want _any_ princesses!"

"And why's that?" demanded Luigi.

"Because," boomed the voice of the airplane pilot. "Why would he need a puny little human if he's got me?"

Mario and Luigi wheeled around. There, standing on the plane was another Dragon-Koopa. She was Bowser's height and green from head to toe, with blue hair and red eyes glinting sinisterly in the feeble light that filtered through the swirling clouds above.

"Who are-a-you?" called Mario.

"The name's Bowselta, Queen of the Koopas!"

"_Queen_ of the Koopas? As in Bowser's _wife_?" gasped Peach from the Clown Car.

"You better believe it," grinned Bowser.

"But if you have a wife then why were always after Peach?" asked Daisy, glaring at Bowser.

"Yeah, and why haven't we ever heard of you?" inquired Luigi of Bowselta.

"Or-a-fought you?" added Mario.

"Simple," she said. "Bowser thought I was dead these past three years, and he figured that Peach's love would heal his pain. As for why you've never heard of me or encountered me: I like my privacy, and I was always the behind-the-scenes person for Bowser's old schemes."

"Then you must've done a really crappy job of it, seeing as Bowser never won!" mocked Luigi, swallowing his fear. He had to keep his head about him – for Daisy.

Bowselta's eyes flashed dangerously. "Bowser never won because of you stupid humans and your stupid Star Spirits." Bowselta paused, and her face contorted into a mad grin. "But you're not gonna stop us this time, oh no. Because I'm through with watching you filthy plumbers tear apart my family, never again are you gonna hurt my kids or kill my husband."

"Oh nooooo! I'm-a-gonna win! As-a-always," sneered Mario.

"I'm afraid you're mistaken," said Bowselta coolly, returning Mario's scathing glare. "Because today you're not fighting Bowser, you're fighting me, and I have never lost a fight. Ever."

"Well, you're gonna lose this time!" said Luigi.

"Yeah!" shouted Mario, shooting a fireball bouncing towards Bowselta.

She stopped it with a jet of her own flames and leapt off the plane, landing nimbly on the raft and dashing towards Mario and Luigi. Her speed took them off guard and they barely dodged her next jet of fire, springing away in different directions.

Bowselta stopped directly between the plumbers, and Mario shot a barrage of fireballs at her. She sent out a flare and stopped most of them but a couple hit her side. Mario grinned, but they had done nothing to slow Bowselta and she lunged at the red plumber. He leapt up as she breathed fire, but she jumped with him, headbutting him in mid air.

Mario felt the powers of the Fire Flower dissipate as Bowselta's horns contacted with his body. Then, to make matters worse Bowselta twisted her head around violently and sent Mario smashing into the ground below. The red plumber was still in a daze when Bowselta landed nearby, opening her mouth to finish him off with another burst of fire.

"Oh no you don't!" cried Luigi, leaping into the air and coming down on Bowselta. But while his cry distracted her from frying Mario, it gave her time to defend against Luigi. Using her claws, the Koopa Queen swatted the green plumber's foot as he bore down on her, and as his body twisted out of control she lunged her head forward and seized his leg in her mouth. There was a sickening crunch and Luigi screamed as blood poured from his broken leg. Bowselta instantly released him and he fell, landing in a heap at her feet.

She sneered down at him, and opened her bloody mouth to roast him alive as he tried in vain to ignore the stabbing pain and use his thunderbrand to stop her. Fortunately for Luigi, his scream had brought Mario back to his senses and the red plumber was already rushing to his twin's aid. Since jumping on her didn't seem possible, Mario decided to use a different tactic and pulled out his hammer.

But once again, Bowselta was too quick; she swung her long and powerful tail at the approaching human, sweeping him off his feet. "Whoaaaaa!" cried Mario as he fell on his butt, his hammer skidding away.

"You'll have realized by now I'm not as slow as my mate," mocked Bowselta. "Nor am I as concerned about getting blood on my claws." With that she lunged at Mario who dodged and ran to Luigi. Bowselta let him go, instead turning her head and reducing Mario's abandoned hammer to ashes.

"Are you okay-a?" he asked.

"No," moaned Luigi. "My leg, uh, I think she poisoned me…"

"I think so-a-too," said Mario glimpsing a greenish tinge to Luigi's open wound.

By then Bowselta was done with the hammer and was coming for Mario once again. He leapt away from his brother so she wouldn't hurt him and charged up his firebrand: as soon as Bowselta got close enough she was going to pay.

-x-

Bowser watched as Mario and Bowselta moved around the raft. Jumping and running at each other, Mario trying to get close enough to use his firebrand and Bowselta warding him off with her claws, all the while trying her best to cook him with her firebreath.

Peach also watched the battle intently; but Daisy was more concerned with Luigi, who was lying unconscious in the middle of the battlefield, having succumbed to Bowselta's venomous bite.

"Yeah, that's it! Show that rat who's boss!" shouted Bowser when Bowselta managed to slice open Mario's arm with her claws. His wife grinned and held her hand out so the light caught it; the red stains on the talons glimmered for all to see. Bowselta then turned and once again charged at Mario, almost clipping him with a vicious flare.

"Gwa ha ha ha, we're finally going to win," grinned Bowser.

"_We_?" scoffed Daisy. "She's doing all the work."

"Yeah, why aren't you fighting Bowser? It's not like you to just sit and watch," said Peach suspiciously.

"Well, if I was fighting it'd be two against one, and that's not _fair_," said Bowser, smiling bitterly.

"What are you talking about?" said Peach incredulously.

"The Star Spirits," explained Bowser. "If I help Bowselta, it'd be unfair to Mario. Remember Isle Delfino? When Junior and I were fighting Mario in the volcano the Stars turned some of his Bullet Bills into water-bomb things so Mario's fancy water gun could be refilled – it's the only reason why he won. Heck, the Star Spirits are the only reason Mario's won a lot of the time, like when I stole the Star Rod, or when I took over your castle."

"You're wrong!" protested Peach. "Mario always wins because he's good and you're evil!"

"That's what I'm talking about," said Bowser.

"W- What?" gasped Peach, taken aback.

"The Star Spirits think I'm evil, and because _they_ say 'evil never wins', they make sure I lose."

"So, you think that by keeping the fight fair they won't make you lose?" speculated Daisy. "That's crazy, they won't let Mario and Luigi die."

"They've let _me_ die."

"That's different!"

"And why's that?" snarled Bowser. "Is my life somehow worth _less_ then Mario's?"

"No," said Peach, her voice tiny: Bowser had a point.

Daisy looked sideways at Peach for an instant, but she wasn't done with Bowser. "Well, even if the Stars are biased, it's not like making sure this is a one-on-one fight is going to change anything – I'm sure your wife's just as evil as you are, so wouldn't the Stars stop her from killing Mario too?"

Bowser smirked: Peach agreeing with him had felt _wonderful_ (platonically), and Daisy's arguing was simply proving to him that the plan was flawless. "Ah, well, you see, she's not actually _trying_ to kill the Mario brothers."

"What!" exclaimed Daisy. "Then how do you explain Luigi?"

"Killing someone and breaking their leg are totally different things," said Bowser smugly.

"But he's been _poisoned_," said Daisy.

"Dragon-Koopa venom's not deadly to humans," stated Bowser. _Unfortunately_, he thought.

They watched in silence as Mario dodged another couple flares. It seemed to Peach that Bowselta's aim wasn't as good as it had been when they started out, and while Mario _was_ getting pretty beat up and tired, she was far from the top of _her_ game. There was still hope.

"It doesn't matter!" said Peach, defiantly. "Mario's gonna win! He can't lose!"

-x-

"You're gonna lose," sneered Bowselta. "You can't win."

"Yes I can!" spat Mario, wincing from the pain of his facial burn.

"Ha ha ha!" laughed Bowselta. "You're delusional, look at you: it's a wonder you're not unconscious like your brother! You're bruised, burnt, broken and bleeding."

"No alliteration is going to stop-a-me!" shouted Mario, running at Bowselta in a rage.

She grinned and sidestepped him, using her tail to trip him up once again.

"Pathetic!" crowed Bowselta.

"Your Gloatingness!" came a voice from across the raft, Bowselta and Mario both turned to see who was calling. Kammy Koopa had appeared through a trapdoor leading below the raft's surface. She was waving her wand to get the queen's attention. "We're almost at the portal, hurry up before it's too late!"

Bowselta glanced up into the sky. The clouds were swirling around, like they were getting ready to form a tornado. Mario saw her distraction and sprung forward, burning her leg with his firebrand.

"Ouch," yelped Bowselta, jumping back. "Oh, you'll pay for that, human!" She shot a flare at Mario, burning him even more.

"Owowowow!" he cried, but he was silenced as Bowselta's hand wrapped around his skull; her claws digging into his scalp and jaw, and her palm crushing his nose into his face. Bowselta mercilessly hauled Mario to his feet before flinging him across the raft. He hit the ground hard, tumbling over to where Luigi lay.

"Kammy, now!" ordered Bowselta.

"Yes Ma'am!" saluted Kammy, before disappearing back through the door. Suddenly the raft started shaking as a ring of hatches opened up around the two plumbers. Curved spikes then erupted from the holes, forming a cage around Mario and Luigi.

"What the!" gasped Mario. Ignoring his aching neck, he charged at the nearest vertical bar of the cage. However when he jumped in the air and stuck out his foot to kick it, a weird blue electric field sent him flying back.

"Ha ha ha ha!" laughed Bowselta triumphantly, walking up to the cage. "That was fun, but I was expecting it to be harder to beat you, after all those times _Bowser_ lost…"

"You haven't-a-won! I can still-a-fight!" shouted Mario.

"Yes, but you're out of time, I'm afraid," smiled Bowselta icily.

"Why?" asked Peach from up on the Clown Car. "Where are we? What was Kammy talking about when she said 'portal', and that it was almost too late?"

"It's a long story," said Bowselta. "But I'll do my best to summarize it before it's _too late_, heh heh. The portal she's talking about is the interdimensional gateway one your ancestors used to come here from their home planet Earth to hundred years ago."

"Earth?" repeated Peach.

"Yes," said Bowselta. "Anyway, I stumbled upon the portal three years ago, my plane was destroyed in the trip and I was stranded in the human world. I had to steal for a living, just like when I was a child, only instead of living in the mountains of Dark Land, I was stuck inhabiting the sewers of some _disgusting_ human cities."

"If you hated it so much, why are you going back?" challenged Daisy.

"_I'm_ not going back," responded Bowselta. "But Mario and Luigi are. You see, I can't kill them 'cause that's 'evil' and the Star Spirits will stop me, so I'm sending them away." She turned to Mario and gave him a twisted smile. "I've had this raft specially made to survive the trip and keep you safe. I've also had it stocked with food, water, medical equipment, Earth money and data that will get you by nicely."

"You'll never get away with this!" shouted Mario.

"But we already have," sneered Bowser. "We're at the threshold of the portal – there's no going back for you!"

"You're-a-wrong!" bellowed Mario. "We'll-a-return! We'll-a-beat you!"

"I'm afraid not, Mario," interjected Bowselta. "You see, I've learned something very interesting about this portal: it activates very rarely. You'll have to wait years for it to open again, and then you'd only have a few minutes to get through before it closes again."

"Well then how do you figure you'll be able to send Mario through here and now?" demanded Peach.

"Simple," smiled Bowselta, holding up her blue Paratroopa shell charm. "For some reason, my old family heirloom is linked to the portal. When it gets close enough, the vortex opens. So unless you have a similar key, you're not coming back the same way I did."

"You're-a-bluffing!" challenged Mario.

Bowselta grinned, and as if on cue, the charm started to glow. Everyone gasped at the eerie blue light, but were quickly jolted out of their thoughts as the raft gave a sickening lurch.

Kammy burst back up from the trapdoor. "The portal's opening!"

"Right, time to go!" said Bowselta, dropping her charm and letting it fall back against her chest. "Kammy, go fly the _KoopaCord_ outta here. Bowser, start up the Clown Car, but just hold onto the edge: we should let Peach and Daisy watch their friends leave us forever."

"What!" gasped Peach, as Bowser ran up and flung his arms over the rim of the Clown Car, using his mind to start up the propeller below. Bowselta grabbed hold of the rim opposite her husband, and the Clown Car lifted slowly into the air towards the blackening clouds. Around the raft the water was swirling like mad, as if someone had pulled a giant plug and was sucking the ocean down; it even looked as if Kammy was having some problems taking off in Bowselta's red airplane.

"Wait! No! Mario!" screamed Peach, looking back at the cage as the plane finally lifted into the air, its engines droning like giant Zingers.

"You've gotta get out! Hurry!" called Daisy frantically, not knowing how she could bear losing Luigi.

"Peach! Oh noooooooo!" wailed Mario as he tried to firebrand the cage, his heat dissipating on the blue forcefield. How he wished he had a Fire Flower – surely the much more powerful flames it let him generate could do the trick…

The storm was getting more violent; the raft was being spun around and water was crashing over its lips. The Clown Car was hovering farther and farther away from the dangerous portal, but close enough so that Bowselta's charm still tore open the interdimensional rift sucking Mario and Luigi away. Higher up in the air Kammy was circling in the plane; as it banked, Mario could just glimpse its name stenciled across its hull: _KoopaCord_. He couldn't believe he didn't see it when he and Luigi were boarding the plane. He couldn't believe he couldn't see it was a trap. "Peach!" he cried.

"_Mario!_" wailed Peach, tears blurring her vision as the raft was engulfed in a gigantic wave of water and pulled into the depths. There was a flash of bright light filtering up through the waves and suddenly the water was dark and still. It had happened in a blink of an eye, and looking down at the choppy gray sea, you couldn't have guessed there had been a swirling vortex. You couldn't have guessed the Mario bros. had just been sucked from the Mushroom World, never to return.


	4. A Hitch in the Plan

Chapter 3: A Hitch in the Plan

Nobody understood what had gone wrong. It had started simply enough, with King Bowser Koopa of the Koopa Kingdom kidnapping Princess Peach Toadstool of the Mushroom Kingdom and Princess Daisy Floral of Sarasaland. Bowser had kidnapped Peach many times in the past; but she had been rescued each time by the plumber, Mario Mario, and occasionally by his brother Luigi Mario as well. In fact, the Mario bros. had been present at the kidnapping, and had immediately pursued Bowser as he fled in his Clown Car. Witnesses claimed that the Mario bros. boarded a red seaplane and pursued the Clown Car south over the ocean.

The Mario bros. had not been seen since, and Bowser had quickly returned to his castle with the princesses. He ransomed their safety for the surrender of the Mushroom Kingdom and Sarasaland, but neither country gave into his demands. King Toadstool returned from his diplomatic visit to Jewelry Land, and Sarasaland launched an unsuccessful attack on the Koopa Kingdom. Sarasaland had come up against the Koopa Kingdom many times in the past, with battles dating back hundreds of years; the last battle was fought over the Koopalinga Mountains over twelve years ago and ended in a Koopan victory.

This time, Sarasaland lost more than a few mountains, as the Koopa Troop crushed their entire army in the foothills of Dark Land and swept over the defenseless country, forcing the Royal Council to surrender. The Koopas then invaded the Mushroom Kingdom – attacking them from their own country to the east, and from Sarasaland to the north. Toad Town was taken right off the bat, as it was just across the Muda Sea from Sarasaland. With King Toadstool captured, it was easier than normal for the Koopas to seize all of the Mushroom Kingdom and every sub-kingdom fell within a week of Peach and Daisy's kidnapping. Koopa Troop members were then sent overseas to the Mushroom Kingdom's offshore territories, Isle Delfino, Dinosaur Land and Yoshi's Island being the most prominent of these locations.

It was unforeseeable how it all could have happened. And as the people watched the flags of the Koopa Kingdom raised above their cities, they couldn't help but wonder why it was all happening. Why had the Mario bros. failed in protecting them after all these years? What had gone wrong for the side of good? And how were they going to live under the evil King of the Koopas?

They just didn't know.

-xxxxx-

King Toadstool marched through the corridors of Koopa Castle. Behind him shuffled the seven Mushroom Kings, Yoshi of Yoshi's Island, and the Royal Council of Sarasaland. They were all wearing strange metal handcuffs that could only get so far from the wand carried by the Magikoopa leading the way. Once or twice, the elderly Pionpi bringing up the rear would lag too far from the guard; and his cuffs would glow red, rising into the air and dragging him forward as if they were connected to the wand by invisible strings.

As they turned into a set of stairs, Toadstool gritted his teeth and glared at his captor. She was a wizened old Magikoopa in purple robes and a witch's hat (as opposed to all the other Magikoopas' wizard attire). He vaguely wondered if it was just her style, or because she was female, but his indignation at being crammed in a dank Koopan cell in the bottom of a castle that reeked of brimstone had dampened his curiosity.

"I'll ask you again, where are you taking us, wench?" he demanded of the old Magikoopa.

"I'd watch your tongue, Toadstool. King Bowser does not take lightly to his prisoners insulting his Chief Advisors," said Kammy Koopa. "Besides, I didn't tell you the last two times you asked, so why would I tell you this time?"

Toadstool growled in frustration as Kammy led the procession onto the landing of the stairs. Here a red carpet covered the stones and their echoing footsteps were muffled as they made their way to a set of large mahogany doors.

"Here we are," said Kammy, before nodding to the Terrapin soldiers guarding the door. They shuffled forward and seized the handles, pulling the door open and tipping their helmets courteously as Kammy led the prisoners into the room ahead.

Toadstool instantly recognized it from Peach's stories of her kidnappings. It was the Entrance Hallway for Koopa Castle; like Mushroom Castle, it also served as the Throne Room. The doors they had entered from were situated along one of the side walls of the hallway, and were facing a similar entranceway, also painted dark red and guarded by armored Koopa Troopas. The majority of the hallway stretched out to the group's left, its walls lined with giant tapestries, spotless windows, and numerous statues of King Bowser Koopa. At the end of the hallway were the castle's enormous front doors, twice the size of the side doors and painted a metallic black. But Toadstool only gave the impressive sight a passing glance, as directly in front of the group stood Princesses Peach and Daisy.

"Peach!" cried Toadstool, pushing past Kammy to get to Peach.

"Father!" she responded, running into his waiting arms.

"Aww, how touching."

Toadstool looked up at the icy comment. Standing in front of the throne on an elevated area of the hallway stood King Bowser Koopa, his eight children, and a female Dragon-Koopa the Mushroom King didn't recognize. It was her who spoke.

"Who do you think you are, mocking me and my daughter?" huffed Toadstool.

"I think I'm the one who just invaded your kingdom and took your throne, so you're really not in any position to shoot your mouth off."

"I warned you," hissed Kammy as she walked past the Toadstools.

"No, you said _Bowser_ wouldn't be happy about my lip," corrected Toadstool, before turning back to the Koopa woman. "Come to think of it, who are you anyway?"

The female Dragon-Koopa smirked. "Queen Bowselta Koopa."

"Never heard of you," quipped Toadstool.

"I have; in fact, I've met you," volunteered the old Poinpi, squinting at Bowselta. "Yes, yes, I remember it clearly: you barged into the peace talk over the Koopalinga Mountains and tricked King Floral into making a crooked deal which led to our eventual loss."

"That's me," sneered Bowselta.

"You're a wicked thing, you are! I see you're still up to no good!" raved the old ghoul. "But I thought you were dead, so are you a monster from beyond the grave now? It wouldn't surprise me!"

"Please, you're too kind," grinned Bowselta.

"Yeah, I always loved hearing my_ underlings_ sing my praises too," commented Bowser.

"_Yoshi-yo_," muttered Yoshi in his native tongue.

"Hey, now _that's_ offensive, even to me!" growled Bowser, who (like many Koopas) understood the Yoshi language.

"Good!" spat Yoshi, now speaking in English so his fellow prisoners could understand him. "Now, what have you done to Mario and Luigi!"

"I beat them, that's what! Bwa ha ha-" gloated Bowser, before seeing the look Bowselta was giving. "H- uh, I mean, _she_ beat them. But it was a team effort!"

"Where are they now?" demanded Toadstool.

"They're gone!" said Bowselta. "We sent them to the human dimension, and they will _never_ return."

The prisoners gasped.

"Peach, is this true?" asked Toadstool, looking into his daughter's sorrowful face.

"Oh, father, I wish it wasn't, but it's true. Mario's g- gone!" she choked out, her eyes filling with tears.

"No, it can't be! After all these years!" stammered Yoshi in disbelief.

"'Fraid so," said Daisy morosely. "We saw it with our own eyes."

"This is terrible!" whimpered Toadstool, his tough façade melting away. "What are we going to _do_?"

"Nothing!" boomed Bowselta. "Except obey us, that is."

"We'll never obey you!" cried a Nyololin, echoed by her fellow prisoners.

"Then we'll have no choice but to lock you back up in our dungeons so you won't give us trouble," shrugged Bowselta.

"You'll never see the light of day again; you'll slowly waste away until there's nothing left. That being said, I suggest you reconsider," advised Bowser, glancing at Peach at his last comment. He still liked her as a person, almost like a friend. She had always been nice to him, and he didn't want to have to lock her away.

"Never," said Toadstool staunchly.

"Father, I think you're being rash," said Peach. "There's no point in fighting them – they've won."

"Ya know, it's that sorta thinking that's gotten you in trouble these past few years," commented Daisy. "If you had any backbone you wouldn't've gotten kidnapped all these years."

"Daisy! How could say that!" gasped Peach. "All I'm saying is that we can do more for our people if we're not locked up!"

"No we can't, not with _them_ lording over us all!" cried a Mushroom King.

"Yes, you can," said Bowselta. "If you agree to follow Bowser and I, we'll let you return to your castles where you will reign in our names. It would be exactly like you had the Mushroom Kingdom set up. With you Mushroom Kings leading your respective lands, but still answering to Princess Peach and King Toadstool."

"Of course, you'll be supervised by Koopa Troop members all the time, so you can't try anything funny," added Bowser.

"So in other words, we'll be your puppets!" exclaimed Daisy angrily.

"Not at all," said Bowselta, shaking her head. "You'll be able to rule your countries as you do now, you'll just have to let us make the final approval on your laws, use our money, and fly our flags."

"Why, that's quite reasonable," said Peach, startled.

Bowselta smiled slightly. "You'll find we're not quite the evil tyrants you've made us out to be."

"Even so, I'll never forgive you for sucking away Luigi and Mario!" spat Daisy.

"Fine," said Bowselta. "See if I care. As long as you recognize Bowser and I as your new rulers, I'll be happy."

"Why _are_ you so bent on world domination?" asked Peach.

"Because," said Bowser, "it's in our blood!"

"What he _means_ is that centuries ago the Koopas did rule, until you human invaders came and pushed us into Dark Land. This is _our_ world, not yours, and _we_ should rule it."

"Hey, it'ssss our world too," hissed the Nyololin.

"Yeah, what makes you Koopas so special?" growled Yoshi.

"Well, the fact that we just crushed all resistance and took over all your Kingdoms, for one," sneered Bowselta. "And like it or not, we're not going to give them back anytime soon, so you might as well just go along with my suggestion and work for us."

Bowselta surveyed her prisoners. Some, like Daisy glared defiantly back at her; while others, like Peach, looked more fearful and willing to cooperate.

She grinned sadistically. "Or you can rot in the dungeons. It makes no difference to me, since, well, I've already won – and there's nothing you can do to change that."

-xxxxx-

It had been three months since Bowselta had returned from the human world, and only three months since she had led the Koopa Kingdom to victory. Back home in Dark Land, the fire season was in full throttle, with volcanoes erupting left right and center, and the castle smelling particularly putrid as the lava pools surrounding it bubbled up clouds of sulfurous gases.

In the past, Bowser would often take the Koopalings to his Northern Castle, where the volcanoes were mostly extinct and the air was cold yet clear. But now the Koopas weren't confined to Dark Land, and instead took up lodgings in a much more scenic dwelling: Mushroom Castle.

King Toadstool (as well as all the other prisoners) had taken Bowselta up on her offer (as she knew they would), and over the next few weeks, she oversaw the assimilation of all the different lands into the Koopa Kingdom. The takeover had gone surprisingly smoothly, with people too afraid to rise up against their new masters at first, and too lazy to do so later. As Bowselta had said, the lives of the commoners didn't change much, and many of the royalty weren't overly affected either.

Besides the presence of Koopas in their castles, the Mushroom Kings soon found their lives had gone back to normal; the only difference was that they sent their letters to Bowser and Bowselta instead of to Peach. The princess herself actually found her life to be easier with the new balance of power. For one thing, she no longer had to worry about ruling her country, since her father was actually staying at home, instead of running off on some ocean cruise or "diplomatic visit" and leaving her behind to deal with the paperwork. Then there was the fact that Peach didn't have to worry about being kidnapped by Bowser anymore. He was happily married, and he ruled the kingdom. Peace had finally come, though Peach would never have expected it to be because Bowser had won.

In fact, Peach and Bowser were getting along great now that he was living in her castle. It reminded her of when they teamed up to defeat Smithy, and then again against Count Bleck. She was also getting to spend much more time with the Koopalings then she had when she was visiting them because of a kidnapping. Peach had known there was more to them than destruction, but until they started living under her roof, she hadn't fully appreciated it (actually, what she really appreciated was the fact she still _had_ a roof after two months of their mischief-making about the castle).

The only thing Peach didn't like about her houseguests was Bowselta Koopa. The queen was guarded and weary and seemed to let no one grow close to her except her family and Kammy Koopa. The princess found it odd that while Bowser constantly insulted and belittled Kammy, Bowselta seemed to share a close friendship with the witch. Of course, Peach figured Bowser liked Kammy too, and the insults were nothing more than posturing (similar to his relationship with the Koopalings: he loved them, but he'd be damned if he let his underlings know just how much this was true).

Still, Peach was frustrated at how impenetrable Bowselta was. She was intelligent and powerful, and she used her skills to manipulate people and get exactly what she wanted. She was cold and calculating, armed and dangerous. She analyzed everything she did or said, and seemed to make no mistakes. She was cruel and heartless to everyone but Bowser, Kammy and the Koopalings, but despite her icy personality she knew how to treat her underlings well and keep them content to follow her orders.

Bowselta said she took over the kingdom for two reasons: one, Bowser wanted to rule the land, and Bowselta loved Bowser and wanted him to be happy. And two, she hated humans and she hated the Star Spirits and she hated how _they_ seemed to rule the Mushroom World. This truly baffled Princess Peach: pure love and pure hate side-by-side in one creature – that shouldn't have worked, Bowselta shouldn't have been able to defeat Mario. Because Mario was good and Bowselta was evil, and she was proud of that: she wanted no favor from the Stars – she wanted them gone. So why had they let her win? Bowselta claimed it was because she didn't intend on killing Mario, but banishing them was nearly as horrible. No, Peach didn't believe her intentions were the reason for success, but then… what was?

-xxxxx-

It was a sunny day and the Koopalings were all out in the garden, enjoying the fresh air and the green scenery that was nearly unheard of back in south-central Dark Land. On one side of the grassy clearing, Ludwig was using his wand and a few instruments to make a tune for Wendy to dance and sing along to. Morton and Iggy were sitting nearby talking about whatever popped into their minds, and surprisingly, Morton was able to stay quiet long enough for Iggy to make his own thoughts known... most of the time. On the other side of the clearing Roy, Junior and Larry were playing Ukiki-in-the-middle with Lemmy's ball. Lemmy himself was lazily watching the game, lying spread-eagled in the springy and soft grass.

It was one of those strange instances where the Koopalings were all at peace with each other for a reason other than an impending invasion or battle. They had enjoyed their parents' victory as much as Bowser and Bowselta did themselves. For the first time in years, their family was complete and under no threat from Mario. There was no longer a driving need to expand the Koopa Kingdom, as Bowselta felt it would be best to wait at least a year before turning the army on Jewelry Land and the Beanbean Kingdom. As she put it, she didn't need to take over the _entire_ Mushroom Continent just yet; Dragon-Koopas live for a long time and the other countries weren't going anywhere.

But as peaceful as the day seemed, something was afoot. And as Roy caught the ball and forced Larry to become the Ukiki in the middle, a different kind of monkey swung into garden. It landed at the foot of a large tree and silently crept forwards until it could see all eight Koopalings through the underbrush. The ape was just assessing how much of a challenge Ludwig and his musical wand would pose when Roy threw the ball directly towards him, with Junior running right behind it.

"Roy, ya gotta throw gentler, or else we'll lose tha ball," whined the little Dragon-Koopa as he reached the bushes. He grinned and bent to pick up the ball, but as he straightened up, he found himself face-to-face with the big, hairy gorilla. The world seemed to stand still as Junior stared at the ape and the ape stared back in a frozen tableau of shock and horror. Then Junior found his wits, and screamed.

-x-

It was an uneventful day in the castle. Bowser and Peach were seated at a table playing Go Cheep-Cheep, and Bowselta was staring glassy-eyed out the window, absentmindedly sharpening her nails with a whetstone. Occasionally Peach would look over at her: she hated it when Bowselta sharpened her nails; she did it all the time. Sometimes Peach wondered how there could be any nail left.

"Peach?"

"Huh! What?" said princess, jumping in her chair.

"I said, do you have any twos?" repeated Bowser, a bit annoyed that Peach hadn't been paying attention the first time.

"Uhh, no, go Cheep-Cheep," she responded, looking back at her own cards, ignoring Bowselta. "Um, do you have any fives?"

"Grrr, yeah," huffed Bowser, handing over his two fives, Peach added them to her fives and put the four cards on the table. It was her sixth set this game. Bowser had none. "Oh man, I'm gonna lose! I'm usually great at Go Cheep-Cheep! I _always_ win! Well, except when I play you Bow, Bow?"

Bowser looked over his shoulder when his wife failed to respond. She had stopped sharpening her nails and was staring out the window, her eyes wide and her body rigid. "Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?" asked Bowser, raising his bushy red eyebrows at Bowselta's sudden change in character.

"That screaming," she breathed, raising from her seat and suddenly turning away from the window. "They're in trouble! The Kids!" She was through the door before the whetstone hit the ground.

"I didn't hear anything," said Peach, confused, but Bowser was already getting to his feet.

"Me neither, but if she says they're in trouble, they're in trouble," he said, running after his queen.

Peach also threw down her cards and hurried after Bowser, her insides squirming in fear. She had never seen Bowselta do anything remotely like that – she had seemed almost scared, Bowser too. As Peach ran after Bowser's hulking form she could hear Bowselta's voice echoing through the castle, telling people to get out of her way and calling guards to follow her to the garden. Peach barely paid attention to the confused faces of the Toad Retainers she whizzed past: all she could think about was the Koopalings. She hoped they were all right.

-x-

Bowselta burst into the sunlight and sprinted towards the garden, her heart hammering in her ears. She was sure she had heard them: screams of terror, sounds of battle. And as she neared the patch of grass they often played in, her fears were realized.

The grass was burnt in places, scorched by fireballs and lighting bolts; some of the trees surrounding the clearing were charred and smoking. Ludwig's wand lay in the grass, its jewel tip still smoldering. The smell of the fight clung to Bowselta's flared nostrils, and the clearing almost echoed with the sounds of the struggle.

Bowselta made no move, she didn't even call out to see if her kids were in the bush: there was no path leading away from the clearing into the forest. Besides, no one could have dragged eight struggling Dragon-Koopas any distance. If they had tried to get away on foot, Bowselta would be able to hear them, if not see them.

Now Bowser, Peach and the guards were arriving in the clearing. Bowser was shouting orders, telling the soldiers to search high and low, to comb the forest and the surrounding land, to find the Koopalings.

"Oh my!" gasped Peach, drawing level with Bowselta and seeing the signs of battle.

"What could have done this?" said Bowser in disbelief, having dispatched all the guards.

Bowselta just shook her head.

"My Lords!" called a Koopa Troopa who had been examining one of the bushes that encircled the clearing. "I've found something!"

Bowselta instantly snapped out of her trance. "What?"

"A note!" he said, holding it up.

The queen snatched it from his hand. It was made of crude parchment and the ink was splotchy, obscuring the already messy writing. Nonetheless, Bowselta could read what it said:

I don't know how you got rid of Mario, but I won't let you do this  
to my friends. If you ever want to see your brats again, release  
all the countries you have taken and surrender yourselves to me.  
You have one week.

DK

Bowselta was shaking with fury by the time she got to the end, and Bowser (having read the note over her shoulder) was no better. "Who does that monkey think he is? I'll skin him alive!" growled the Koopa King.

"Who?" asked Peach.

"Donkey Kong," spat Bowselta.

"What? That can't be! He'd never do a thing like this!"

"Who else signs their name as 'DK'?" demanded Bowselta, brandishing the note.

"Yeah, besides he's done this sorta thing before anyway, didn't Mario have to save his ex-girlfriend from him a few times?" interjected Bowser.

"Those were all misunderstandings," said Peach. To tell the truth, the fact that something as simple as collectable toys could set the big ape off had always bothered Peach, and his father had a temper too… But she shook those thoughts out of her head: that was one thing, but this was something else entirely… sorta. "Donkey Kong's a good guy," she finally insisted, swallowing her doubts.

"I know," growled Bowselta. "That's the problem."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean," said Bowselta, crumpling the note in her fist. "Since Donkey Kong is 'good' and we're 'bad', if we try and confront him, we'll lose."

"Evil never wins," elaborated Bowser.

"But, he's taken your children, that's as evil as you can get," said Peach.

"It doesn't matter! We're villains, end of story, at least as far as the _Star Spirits_ are concerned. They've been helping Donkey Kong and his pals rise up and thrash King K. Rool for years; if he's got their support, we can't beat him!" Bowselta was so angry, the note started smoldering in her hand.

"But he's got the Koopalings, surely the Stars will help-"

"They won't," snapped Bowselta.

"But-"

"You don't get it, do you?" said Bowselta savagely, rounding on Peach, the note in her hand catching fire. "Look at it from their perspective. Who's taken over half a continent? We have. Who's dethroned at least a dozen kings and other assorted rulers? We have. Who has been causing you and plenty of other people problems all his life? Bowser. Who just banished the Mushroom World's greatest heroes to another dimension? Me. As far as the Stars are concerned, Donkey Kong's just doing you and your people a favor by blackmailing us. It isn't the means the Star Spirits care about, it's the end result."

"How can you say that?" gasped Peach. "I've met them, they're not like that!"

"Oh yeah? Then how do you explain Mario getting away with murdering hundreds of Koopan soldiers and civilians? If they cared about anything but the fact he was doing it to save you and your kingdom, they would've put a stop to his killing sprees long before I did!" snarled Bowselta, throwing the remains of the note on the ground. She tore her eyes from Peach and glared at the burnt paper, fire dancing in her eyes. "It's the same thing here. They won't care that the ape took our children – all they'll care about is that we'll have to release you and all the other countries to get them back."

"What? How can you say that?" this time it was Bowser taken aback. "We can't just bend to his will! Our army's huge: we can crush him with ease!"

"Looks like _you_ haven't been listening either," said Bowselta, smiling bitterly at the ground. "The Kongs have beaten the _Kremlings_ plenty of times."

"Yeah, but there's way more of us," protested Bowser.

"But Kremlings are harder to defeat than Koopas and Goombas. Besides, our army's stretched out over three countries and dozens of smaller island nations. We'd only be able to get a handful of soldiers down to Donkey Kong Island without rousing suspicion, 'cause if he thought we were planning to attack, he'd probably kill the kids."

"Now _that's_ crazy," said Peach. "Kidnapping someone is one thing, but _killing_ them? Donkey would never stoop that low!"

"But as you said before, none of this is really Kong's style. It feels wrong, and I'm sure there's more going on than we know, so I wouldn't put it past him to cross that threshold."

"But, that's all the more reason we _can't_ surrender!" said Bowser plaintively. "We don't know what's really going on! What if he kills the kids anyway?"

"Who said anything about surrendering?" said Bowselta sharply, looking up at Bowser.

"Uh, well, you said we couldn't attack with our army, and I don't really see what else we can do…" stammered Bowser.

"We can get the one person who will be able to stop Donkey Kong," said Bowselta, smiling ironically at Bowser.

"Huh? Who's that?"

Bowselta sighed. "The one person who's beaten him before: Mario."

"Mario!" exclaimed Bowser and Peach at the same time.

"But Mario's gone – you saw to that!" said Peach, a slight edge to her voice.

"Well, we'll just have to bring him back," said Bowselta.

"But, we can't!" gasped Bowser. "After all we – er, _you_ did to get rid of him and Luigi, you're just going to bring them back?"

"Yep, and you're going to help me," nodded Bowselta, eyeing Bowser expectantly.

"What! No way! If you bring Mario back, he'll make us release everywhere anyway! We'll never be able to get it back!"

"So?" snapped Bowselta. "I don't care, _I_ just want to see our kids back home, safe and sound. What about _you_?"

"What kind of a person do you think I am? Of course I'd rather have them safe, that's why I want to fight!"

"But if we fight Donkey Kong without a 'hero' on our side, the Stars'll see to it that we lose, and then the Koopalings will lose _their lives_. We can't risk it. We _need_ Mario."

"But-"

"No 'but's!" shouted Bowselta, her voice echoing across the garden as she advanced on Bowser, her fiery rage making him cringe. "We are going back to Dark Land. We are getting in my submarine. We are sailing to the portal and going to the human world where we will track down Mario and Luigi and bring them back here. And _then_ we are going to Donkey Kong Island, saving the kids and making that dirty ape pay for what he did. And nothing you say, and nothing the Star Spirits think, and nothing Donkey Kong has up his hairy sleeve is going to stop us."


	5. Family Matters

Chapter 4: Family Matters

"_Effringo_!_ Rescindo_! er, _Perfringo_! _Deleo_! _Effligo_!"

"Oh, _give it up_ already, Ludwig."

"No! I vill break us ut of here if it's zee last sing I do!" snapped the eldest Koopaling, glaring at his bored sister before turning back to the cage bars. "_Aboleo_!_ Rumpo_!"

"'Rumpo'?, are you _sure_ that's even a spell?" scoffed Wendy.

"I am positive," growled Ludwig, flicking his sister's wand ineffectively at the bamboo bars in front of him.

"Then why isn't anything working?" asked Wendy, before adding, "maybe you're not saying the spells right-"

"Maybe if _you_ bothered to _learn_ verbal spells you'd know I am pronouncing zem perfectly," huffed Ludwig.

"Oh really?" sneered Wendy. "I find that surprising, seeing how you mangle up all the rest of _zee vords zat_come out of your _mous_."

"You're vone to talk," responded Ludwig icily. "It took you, vat, _five_ years to learn to say 'r's properly?"

"I was little! And _I_ grew out of it," bragged Wendy. "Not like you – you grew _into_ it. I mean, what sorta freak gives himself a speech problem?"

"_I_ vas little ven _I_ did zat. So I can't get outta zee habit? So sue me, neizzer can Roy, and he vas vay older ven _he_ started talking funny," said Ludwig, struggling not to zap Wendy with her own wand. If he had _his_ wand, he would have gone right ahead and made her pay for her impudence, but he had lost it during the kidnapping, and wands never worked properly against their rightful masters…

Instead, Ludwig decided to get under Wendy's scales with words. "Of course, _you_ have much more in common vit Roy zen I do, don't'cha, _baldy_?"

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!" screeched Wendy, lunging at Ludwig.

He dodged her and ran off cackling.

"GET BACK HERE LUDWIG! _AND GIVE ME BACK MY WAND!_"

"So you can shoot me vit zose rings of yours? No vay!" he called back, unfortunately he had stopped looking where he was going and ran right into the end of the cage, ricocheting off the bamboo bars and slamming right into Wendy.

"Ohhhhhh, you're gonna _pay_ for that!" snarled Wendy, and the two started clawing, biting and hitting each other with as much gusto as Roy and Morton during their brawls.

But as it just so happened, Roy and Morton weren't actually beating each other to a pulp at that moment. Roy was busy trying to bend the bamboo bars, and Morton and Iggy were watching him, occasionally looking over at Ludwig and Wendy's loud battle.

"Grrr, why won't dese stupid ting's break?" growled Roy, pulling on the bars with all his might.

"I already _told_ you," sighed Iggy. "They've been enforced – probably by magic since Ludwig's spells don't work either."

"Nor does his electric powers or firebreath!" added Morton.

"Hey, he's not the only one who failed to get us out," grumbled Iggy, who had helped Ludwig try to blast the way out with lightning and fireballs when they were first captured.

"Ya don't _brag_ about _not_ gettin' us out," scoffed Roy, taking a break from pulling on the bamboo.

"He wasn't bragging, he was just pointing out that I had omitted the fact that he helped with the lighting, and that all of us helped with the firebreath… Well, all of us but Junior, that is. But he helped me with the sonic screaming," rambled Morton.

"Yeah, 'tanks fer dat," grumbled Roy. "My ears 'r still ringin'."

Morton chuckled. When the Koopalings had been attacked by Donkey Kong they had put up a valiant fight, but the big ape had backup, and a whole hoard of assorted primates had descended on the Dragon-Koopas. They had all been knocked out in no time, and when they woke up, they found themselves in a bamboo cage suspended over a pool of lava. "Ah well, even if we had gotten out, the lava would've stopped us from going any further."

"Not really, we could just get across the same way that monkey does. Y'know, climbing up the chains to that tunnel up near the cave's ceiling and such," said Iggy, referring to the mode by which Diddy Kong delivered the Koopalings' meals: bunches of bananas.

"Not all of us," huffed Roy. "You, me, Lemmy and Wendy, maybe, but what about da rest've dem?" With that he cast a reproachful look at Morton's stocky figure, earning a scowl from the brown-scaled Koopaling.

Iggy – not noticing the exchange – shrugged. "I dunno, maybe once we're on the other side we can find some way to get the cage to the one of those ledges along the walls. I mean, I doubt those apes carried us over here to the cage themselves…"

"You never know," said Morton. "They obviously carried us outta the garden, and they had to do it fast or Mom and the guards would've caught them. It doesn't really make sense though. Why would Donkey Kong want _us_?"

"Well, whateva da reason is, I don't care. We're getting' outta here, or my name ain't 'Roy Koopa'!" with that, he seized the bamboo bars and started tugging on them with renewed vigor.

Iggy shook his head and looked back over at Ludwig and Wendy's fight: they were still beating the living daylights out of each other. Iggy grinned, Ludwig usually managed to keep his temper in check, and the rare times he did lose his cool promised the rest of the Koopalings a good show.

Lemmy was also watching the match from the other corner of the cage. His ball had been scooped up when Donkey Kong nabbed Junior, and he was happily perched upon it, munching on a banana. Behind him was a small pile of banana peels, since he would throw the skins gaily over his shoulder once he finished the fruit. Unlike the rest of the Koopalings, Lemmy had managed to avoid becoming angry or depressed about their captivity.

Beside him, Junior was seated dejectedly on the ground. He was facing the fight, but his eyes were unfocused. He was too sad to enjoy his siblings' pain. All his life he had wondered who his real mother was, and now that she had finally returned he had been kidnapped, just like Mama Peach. But Peach was always saved by Mario, and Junior was worried he and his siblings wouldn't fare as easily. He had met Donkey Kong a long time ago, and he had watched him in all sorts of sports and racing competitions. The big ape often gave Mario a run for his money, and Bowser didn't fare much better. If Donkey Kong could best the Koopa King in mere games, would he be able to stop him when it really mattered too? And what about Bowselta? Junior had been hearing how great a fighter she is from Bowser, Kammy and the few Koopa soldiers who knew her from before, but he hadn't seen it for himself. And if she was so great, why hadn't she been able to return all those years?

Junior sniffed, Lemmy noticed. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Nutin'," lied Junior.

"Then why aren't you grinning – I thought you loved this sorta thing, and Wendy and Ludwig've never fought like this before."

"I'm just not in the mood," shrugged Junior.

"Exactly," said Lemmy brightly. "So what's wrong?"

Junior scowled. "_Nothing_! Now quit botherin' me!" With that he stood up and stalked away from his older brother.

"Huh, _touchy_," murmured Lemmy, before turning back to the fight and taking a bite of his banana.

Junior stalked along the edge of the cage, the lava bathing him in red light. He was staring fixedly at the molten rocks and muttering darkly to himself about how stupid and naïve Lemmy was about their predicament. In fact, Junior was so immersed in his venomous thoughts he walked right into Larry.

"Whoa!" exclaimed the youngest Koopaling as he tripped over his brother and fell flat on his face. "Ouch! Grrr, why are you lyin' on tha ground?" snapped Junior.

Larry shrugged in response, not even bothering to look at his fuming brother.

"Oh right, I forgot you're givin' us tha _silent treatment_," huffed Junior. According to the older Koopalings, Larry dealt with troubling times by retreating into his mind, claming up and avoiding people if he could. Of course, in the tiny cage there was no chance for privacy. It had caused some problems at first when everyone refused to do their business with their siblings right there. Fortunately Lemmy – who had the smallest bladder – couldn't hold it in anymore and solved the problem by rolling over to the edge of the cage and sticking his rear end between the bars. No one could see anything, nor did they have to worry about the cage's lack of a toilet, as the lava worked just as well.

Junior sighed, he wished he was back home, but the Stars had stopped granting Koopan wishes long ago. So, there was nothing for Junior to do but see what Larry was up to. The now-mute Koopaling had been doodling in the fine layer of dirt, dust and grime that had settled on the cage floor; Junior walked up and peered at it. It was a picture of Diddy Kong slipping on a banana peel beside the open cage door, through which pointed an arrow.

Junior's eyes opened wide. "THAT'S IT!"

"What's it?" asked Lemmy, turning to look over at Junior and Larry.

"A way out! Larry's come up with a way out!" exclaimed Junior, pointing to Larry's doodle.

His voice echoed about the lava chamber. Wendy and Ludwig immediately stopped fighting, tumbling away from each other and scrambling to their feet as Roy, Morton, Iggy and Lemmy all rushed over to see what Larry had drawn.

"You see! Next time Diddy comes ta drop off bananas we can slip 'em up. Then he can't stop us from getting' out tha open door! We'll escape!"

"Vow, zat's brilliant!" grinned Ludwig.

"I can't believe _I_ didn't think of it myself!" said Iggy, slapping himself on the forehead.

"Hah! Maybe it was because you wa too busy pestrin' me 'bout _my_ attempts ta break outta da cage!" joked Roy.

"Yeah, like Ludwig was too busy scrapping with Wendy to think of _anything_!" piped in Morton.

"Vee've been here for _days_, I have only been at odds vit Vendy for a few _minutes_," grumbled Ludwig, who was already sporting a goose egg on his forehead and a number of claw marks everywhere else.

"And what a couple minuets those were…" sighed Lemmy smiling at the memory.

"Hey! You take that back!" snarled Wendy. Though her bow was a bit tattered, her gold bangles a bit dented, and her features marred by a few scuffs and bruises, she had fared far better than Ludwig.

Lemmy saw this and hastily backed away from a fight. "Okay, okay, sorry I said anything!"

"Chicken," snorted Roy, but he too flinched when Wendy turned her piercing eyes on him.

"Enough!" shouted Junior, getting everyone's attention. "We need ta start workin' together if we wanna get out! We need ta get the banana peels over to tha door, but make sure they're far back enough so Diddy won' be able to see 'em 'till he's already swung from the chain through tha door. Okay?"

"Yeah." "Sure." "Whateva'." Muttered the six oldest Koopalings.

"Right, than get to it!" ordered Junior, in an uncanny impression of Bowser Sr.

"Yeah." "Sure." "Whateva'." Muttered the six oldest Koopalings, wandering away throughout he cage to collect the banana peels.

As Larry got to his feet Junior smiled at him. "Way ta go, Larry."

"It was nothing," shrugged the older Koopaling.

-xxxxx-

It hadn't been difficult to orchestrate Bowser and Bowselta's departure. Peach was more than happy to help cover for them and spread false rumors that the Koopas were going to go along with Donkey Kong's ransom. Within a single day, the Koopan Army was already starting its withdrawal from the Mushroom Kingdom and Sarasaland. However, the Koopa Troop members in the southern island nations didn't return to Dark Land; instead, they all started moving to Isle Delfino. The cover story was that all the little factions of the army would come together on the island so it could return to Dark Land as one big fleet. The real reason was so the army could move south to Donkey Kong Island as soon as Bowser and Bowselta returned with the Mario bros., since Isle Delfino wasn't too far away from the Alligator Archipelago (where DK Island was located).

It was a good plan, and less than twenty-four hours after the Koopalings had been kidnapped, Bowser and Bowselta had left for Earth. They travelled in the human submarine Bowselta had used to return home through the portal. After she had found herself stranded in the human world, Bowselta had made her way to a large human city on the coast: New York City. She lived in the sewers, coming up to steal food, water and valuables, the latter of which she started selling over the Internet (breaking into various libraries, schools and other venues to use the computers). When she had amassed a fair sum of cash, she contacted the Russian authorities, and bought one of their old submarines, which she named the _Slug_.

The _Slug_ was a Kilo-class diesel-electric attack submarine. According to Bowselta, the Russian name of the submarine's class (_Paltus_) referenced a kind of flatfish (which looks like a Manta). Bowser felt a more fitting name would be "Blimp", since compared to his own submarine, the _Slug_ was quite stubby (it was _only_ around 70 meters [or 240 feet] long). He also hated how cramped it was inside, since the corridors were narrow, even by human standards. Bowselta was forced to acknowledge this, because even though she was thinner than Bowser, she had been forced to widen the doorways to get through and get a custom-made hatch fitted to the _Slug_ by the Russians so she could enter the vessel (she had claimed it was for loading whale-tracking equipment).

The trip was long and difficult, since the _Slug_ was meant to be run by a crew of thirty humans, not by a pair of eight-foot tall Dragon-Koopas, one of which had no clue how to run a submarine. Since he didn't know how to do anything, Bowser spent all his time watching Bowselta scamper from one side of the bridge to the other in order to keep the boat running smoothly. It took hours for the _Slug_ to reach the portal, and the transition to Earth was quite nerve wracking.

As soon as Bowselta's charm started glowing the submarine was gripped by the swirling waters and shook violently. Up became down and down became up as the boat was sucked through the portal. The lights flickered on and off and the entire sub creaked and groaned at the stress. Bowser was sure something was going to go horribly wrong, but as soon as it had started, it was over, and the ship was once again cutting through the open ocean.

Bowselta turned to find Bowser pale and clammy, gripping onto a support beam for dear life. She laughed mockingly. "You were scared by _that_? Imagine what it's like when you're in a plane being ripped to pieces by the water, getting cut up by shattering glass, and drowned by rushing water. At least in here we can't see all the blinding light, and since the sub's already deep underwater the portal didn't need to drag us down…"

"Yes, yes, you explained the advantages of using a sub to get to Earth already, but I still don't see why we had to use this deathtrap instead of _my_ submarine," grumbled Bowser, letting go of the support beam and stooping under the bridge's low ceiling.

"I explained that too," sighed Bowselta, rolling her eyes and running some diagnostics on the engines. "The Slug's a registered submarine on Earth, so we can sail right into New York City and dock without any problems."

"Grrr, fine!" spat Bowser, lapsing into silence. Neither said much for the next few hours as the _Slug_ made its way northwest towards New York. Bowselta had chosen to head there first for two reasons: one, she already knew its sewer system like the back of her hand (from her last stay on Earth); and two, a suburb of NYC was called Brooklyn. She had a feeling that the Mario bros. would instantly head to that particular city because there was a Brooklyn on the Mushroom Planet too. Also known as Big Ape City, it was located on Donkey Kong Island and was where the Mario bros. had learned to be plumbers.

Bowser hadn't been so sure of Bowselta's hypothesis. He said it was a bit far-fetched that they'd go somewhere with the same name as their old home as opposed to one of many new places. Bowselta pointed out that that was the point: Mario and Luigi had just been ripped from their world and were probably feeling quite homesick. Living in Brooklyn would seem far less alien to them even if it was a different place, and it was likely to be of some comfort.

"How do you know what'd be a comfort to them?" scoffed Bowser when Bowselta had explained her theory.

"Because _I_ know what it's like to be ripped away from everyone and everything I've ever known," she had reminded Bowser. "And until you do too, you'll never understand just how terrible that is, or how far someone will go to take the edge off the pain, even if it's as trivial as their address."

-xxx-

It took about thirty-six Earth hours to get from the Bermuda Triangle to New York, but Bowselta had no difficulty in staying awake and handling the controls. Bowser also stayed up to keep her company, listening to her reminisce about her time on Earth. She ridiculed the humans, ridiculing the poverty, the disease, the violence, and the fear and hatred that led to it all. She spoke of the wars that ravaged the world, and of the terror they caused. As much as she hated the stigmas in the Mushroom World, Bowselta was forced to admit that there was no 'good' or 'evil' on Earth, just death. Even Bowser shuddered.

But Bowselta quickly moved to a more cheerful subject: geography. Her favorite subject seemed to be Europe and Asia: they were clearly one landmass, yet the humans insisted on keeping them separate. As far as Bowselta was concerned, "Eurasia" should phase the old terms out, but the humans were rooted in their old ways. She laughed as she told Bowser about Russia. "How could they have justified the fact that _one_ country was part of _two_ continents?"

"Hm," grunted Bowser in acknowledgement, having lost interest in the conversation long ago.

Bowselta shot him a look over her shoulder, but she didn't feel like arguing and turned back to the console in front of her. They remained silent for a while, soon Bowser's eyelids started drooping and he sighed and lay his head on his crossed arms. He would have dropped off to sleep had one of the _Slug_'s control boards not started beeping. Bowser's eyes flew open and he sat up, his face pale. "What's that?"

"The communication's array," said Bowselta calmly. Bowser sighed in relief, his mate hadn't touched that panel once during the trip, and there was no telling what cataclysm that beeping could have been warning them about. He hated how the submarine ran on internal-combustion, instead of magic. The thought of the exploding gasses and everything that could go wrong with them worried Bowser. But the Koopa King knew, deep down, that he was just being paranoid, so he kept quiet about it all, and, oblivious to her husband's discomfort, Bowselta walked over to the panel and pushed some buttons. Immediately the blank screen in front of her flicked on and filled with writing.

"What's all that mean?" asked Bowser, squinting at the tiny human print.

"Orders to slow down and surface," said Bowselta, skimming over the screen. "But it's posted in all sorts of different languages."

Bowselta turned started rushing around the bridge makings the appropriate adjustments to the _Slug_'s speed and altitude. The sub quaked as it slowed down for the first time in hours, and the walls creaked as it rose to the surface. Bowser resisted the urge to complain: _his_ sub never made troubling noises like that.

He shook the thoughts from his head and leaned towards the communications panel to read the order. Most of it was alien to him, but the first line of orders was in English: "Slow to 3 knots and surface. Contact Harbor Master before entering harbor. Docking instructions will be provided after identification."

Bowser turned to Bowselta. "Hey, did you ever find it funny how humans here speak our language?"

Bowselta rolled her eyes. "One of these days will you at least _try_ to read some history? English originated on Earth: it's not _our_ language, it's theirs."

"But what about our written language?" asked Bowser. "Classic Koopan texts are written in English but they don't use human symbols."

"When the Earth humans came, all the Mushroom World natives _had_ to learn English so we could understand them, since _they_ made no effort to learn our languages," explained Bowselta, carefully steering the _Slug_ as its sail breached the surface. "Most cultures let their old languages die out, but some, like the Yoshis kept their spoken language-"

"Yoshis _only_ have a spoken language," interrupted Bowser. "If you can call it a language."

"Before Dragon-Koopas adopted English, our language wasn't mush better," Bowselta pointed out. "Only, instead of saying 'Yoshi Yoshi Yoshi', we used growls and snarls and that sorta thing."

"I thought that was only _ancient_ times," mused Bowser.

"And here I thought you didn't know anything about history," said Bowselta sarcastically. "Yes, the growls and such are _technically_ primeval noises, but the spoken language was just adding different noises and inflections to the growls. It was pretty crude, and it made sense to drop it in favor of a more universal language, but the Dark Landers still kept their written letters in defiance of the human invaders."

"Wait, so they had _two_ languages?" asked Bowser, confused.

"No," sighed Bowselta. "They changed the written language to English too, but adapted their letters instead of taking English ones, like a code; they had to accommodate vowels and whatnot, but overall, it worked out well. The old castle foundations still have plenty of the old runes – look around the library walls next time your down there, you might actually learn something."

"Hey!" But Bowser's retort was cut short as the communications terminal started beeping again, a new set of instructions flicking across the screen.

"What does it say?" demanded Bowselta.

"Uh," said Bowser, turning around to read the instruction. "It says: 'send identification information and codes.'"

"Okay," said Bowselta. "Type in 'The _Slug_; Kilo class; no. B-354; whale research vessel; Captain/Owner: B. Koopa, est. 1995.'"

"Er, how?"

"See the keyboard?" said Bowselta impatiently. "Use the tips of your fingernails to punch in what I told you."

"But the keys are so small," whined Bowser.

"That's why I told you to use the _tips_ of your claws."

"Grr, I can't remember what you told me to tell them anyway, why can't you do it?" wheedled Bowser.

"Because I'm a little busy steering the boat!" snapped Bowselta.

"Fine," relented Bowser. "I'll type it, but you have to dictate what I'm writing word by word."

"Fine, type in 'The Slug, semicolon.''"

"Wait, do I type semicolon or use one?"

"What do you think?" hissed Bowselta.

-xxx-

After the identification was transmitted, the Dock Master radioed the _Slug_ and asked why they wanted to make birth, to which Bowselta told him they were simply taking some rest leave. The humans believed the story and let the _Slug_ dock on a private dock apart from the normal crowd, as submarines often drew unwanted attention from curious passers-by.

Bowser and Bowselta stayed in the ship until nightfall, letting fresh air circulate around the musty corridors and catching up on some much-needed rest. Then under the cover of night, Bowselta led Bowser out of the _Slug_ and into the harbour. They swam through the polluted water and into a large pipe through which cleaned sewage water was flowing. They followed the pipe to the treatment plant and Bowser followed his wife to the surface. She was quite skilled at sneaking about, but Bowser was much heavier on his feet (especially on Earth, which was larger than the Mushroom World, and therefore had a stronger gravitational pull). Regardless, Bowselta got Bowser though the plant without being detected, and the two moved to the actual sewers of New York City.

It was horrible. There wasn't enough room on the walkways for the Dragon-Koopas, so they had to wade through the sludge, sometimes sinking up to their necks in the filth. The smell of human waste was overpowering, and all Bowser's years in a Sulfur-smelling castle didn't prepare him for it in the least. He soon learned to not look where he was going, as the sight of most of the stuff floating in the green 'water' made Bowser sick. Instead, he squinted through the darkness at the sewer rats that scampered along the walkways, feasting on the disgusting garbage.

Once Bowser had tried to male a flare to scare the vermin off, but Bowselta stopped him. "This place is filled with methane, so unless you want to blow us both up, leave the rats be."

Bowser growled, but did as he was told. This whole thing didn't sit right with him. Getting Mario to come _back_, going to the _human_ world, having to wade through disgusting human sewage, getting crammed in a creaky, dangerous, stuffy and cramped old human submarine, losing the kids to a stupid ape, not being able to use his powers again… it was just so wrong.

"We're here," said Bowselta, looking up at a large manhole. She and Bowser had already broken into an old archives room and found reports of two mysterious men appearing in the city on a barge. At first they spoke of other worlds, and creatures befitting of a video game; but after a stay in a psychiatric ward for a couple months, they learned to give up on their stories. A newspaper article revealed that they had set up a small business: _The Mario Bros. Plumbing_, and the address Bowselta found in the City Records was right above her and Bowser's heads.

-xxx-

All was quiet in the Mario household. The digital clock on the bedside table read 4:36 AM and the twin plumbers were fast asleep.

'Tap, tap, tap.'

Mario snorted in his sleep at the strange noise.

'Tap, tap, tap.'

Luigi groaned and rolled over.

'Tap, tap. Tap!'

As the noise grew louder, Luigi slowly stirred in his sleep. Mario simply snored louder.

'Tap! Tap! Tap!'

"Cut it out Mario," moaned Luigi.

Mario continued snoring.

_Strange_, thought Luigi, he never remembered Mario tapping on the window in his sleep…

'Tap! Tap! Tap!'

_Wait a minute_, thought Luigi, semiconsciously. _If Mario's asleep in bed, then what's tapping the window?_ He rolled back over and peered through the darkness outside the window. A pair of red eyes were peering back.

"Ahhh!" screamed Luigi, falling backwards out of his bed.

"Yes. I _would_ like some-a-pasta," murmured Mario, still fast asleep.

Luigi sprang to his feet, his heart hammering in his throat. He recognized who was sitting in the tree beside the Marios' shop, surveying him with her cold eyes through his window.

"You!" gasped Luigi. "You're Bowser's wife!"

"The name's Bowselta and don't you forget it," she sneered. "Now open the window so we can talk properly."

"No!" said Luigi defiantly. "What are you doing here? You monster!"

Bowselta rolled her eyes. "It's a long story, and if you wanna hear it you're going to let me and Bowser inside before someone else sees us."

"Bowser's h- here too?" said Luigi, the blood draining from his face.

"I'll get-a-Bowser!" said Mario from his bed.

Luigi whipped around, but the red plumber was still snoozing. "Mario, wake up! Bowser's _here_!"

"Bowser?"

"Yes, get up!"

"Oh noo!" yawned Mario. "It's just a dream-a-Weegie, go back to sleep-a."

"_It's not a dream_!" Insisted Luigi, shaking Mario awake. "His wife's just outside the-"

But as he turned back around, he realized Bowselta was in fact halfway though the window, smearing sludge on his and Mario's dresser drawers as she maneuvered her spiked shell through the frame.

"Wait! Stop! Get out!" yelped Luigi.

"No," huffed Bowselta, having finally gotten her entire body into the room and crawling off the dresser while the floorboards creaked beneath her.

"I'll-a-stop her!" announced Mario, having finally awakened fully.

"No you won't – not if you want to go home," sneered Bowselta.

"What?" gasped Luigi. "Go home?"

"What are you-a-talking about?" demanded Mario.

"I'll explain, once you go downstairs and let Bowser into the building – I don't think he'll be able to fit through the window," said Bowselta, looking over her shoulder at the window-frame, now severely dented by her own passage.

-xxx-

With Luigi's help, Bowselta eventually convinced Mario to let Bowser into the building, and once he had made his way up to the plumbers' loft, he and Bowselta explained everything. Mario could barely keet his mouth shut as Bowser and Bowselta described invading the Mushroom Kingdom, Sarasaland, Dinosaur Land and all the other places he had saved from the Koopas in the past. Luigi felt more downcast than enraged: all their years of toilsome fighting had been undone in less than a month and the thought of his and Marios' failure burned in the pit of his stomach.

Finally, when the Koopas were finished their story, Luigi spoke. "Okay, let me get this straight. You invaded our home, imprisoned our friends, and then forced them to obey you."

"We didn't imprison them for long," protested Bowser. "And Peach herself admitted that working for us wasn't _that_ bad."

"'_That_-a-bad' still means-a-_bad_," huffed Mario.

"Okay, whatever!" said Luigi before Bowser could respond. "After you took over, _Donkey Kong_ kidnapped your children? That sounds a bit far-fetched."

"We know," growled Bowser. "But what do think we're doing? Making it all up so we have an excuse to come _visit_ you? So we can bring back our _dear_ friends the Mario bros.?"

"Hmm, you got a point," mused Luigi.

"Yes, perhaps the story is-a-true, but why would you-a-expect Luigi and I to cooperate with-a-monsters like _you_?" hissed Mario.

"Don't try to bluff us Drain-Brain, we _know_ how much you guys wanna come home," sneered Bowser.

"Besides, you've all worked together before, only this time instead of saving the world, you're saving our kids," added Bowselta.

"Your-a-Koopalings are _our_ enemies," said Mario.

"Your Star Spirits are our enemies too, but I helped you save their precious Star Road from Smithy," Bowser reminded the plumber.

"You just helped-a-me to save _your_-a-Keep: your motives weren't-a-self_less_, they were-a-sel_fish_!"

"Who cares!" cried Bowselta in exasperation. "Saving our kids is the right thing to do, and last time I checked, you Marios were all about saving kidnapped royalty."

"Your-a-brats are _nothing_ like Princess Peach!" spat Mario.

"Woah bro, settle down," begged Luigi. "They're right."

"No, they're-a-wrong!" insisted Mario. "Weren't you-a-listening to their-a-story? Donkey Kong-a-kidnapped their kids so they would release our-a-friends. _They're_ the bad guys, not-a-DK!"

"Oh, well, in that case, um…" Luigi trailed off, his twin had made a good point.

"We're not denying that as far as the current beliefs of 'Good' and 'Evil' in the eyes of the Stars and common folk are concerned we _are_ the wrong-doers-"

"Huh?" said Mario, Luigi and Bowser at the same time.

Bowselta waved them off. "The point is, right now we just want our kids back, and we need your help to make sure Donkey Kong doesn't do anything rash."

"If you want the Koopalings back, why didn't you just surrender?" asked Luigi skeptically.

"I'll surrender to an ultimatum the day Li'l Oinks fly," said Bowser ostentatiously.

"Besides, as you said, it doesn't seem like DK to kidnap kids, so we don't want to take any chances," elaborated Bowselta.

"Okay, that's reasonable," nodded Luigi.

"What! You're not-a-considering helping them are you, Weegie?" gasped Mario.

"I mean, if we do, we can go home. And… it's their _kids_ Mario, it's just not right," said Luigi plaintively.

"But the Koopalings caused us so much-a-trouble! And other than Junior, they're probably not really kids. How old are they, sixteen? Eighteen?"

"Eleven," said Bowselta. "Ludwig turned eleven last month – he's the oldest."

"Eleven?" gasped Luigi. "But we first fought them what, five years ago?"

"You say you care about your-a-kids yet you made them fight-a-us when they were practically babies?" said Mario in disgust.

"Dragon-Koopa kids are tougher than humans, Toads and most other common species. In our culture, allowing them to fight for the country isn't out of the ordinary. And we didn't _make_ them fight you: we asked them if they _wanted_ to," finished Bowselta, her eyes flashing at her last comment.

"Besides, in case you haven't noticed, the seven older ones _don't_ fight you guys anymore, just Junior, and that's cause he's a Near-Immortal like me and _can't_ get killed by you pesky plumbers," added Bowser.

"But the Koopalings _have_ fought us recently," said Luigi. "Like in the Beanbean Kingdom."

"Cackletta made them fight, not me."

"You mean _Bowletta_," smirked Mario. "And technically, she _was_-a-you."

"For safety's sake you better not bring that up again," threatened Bowser darkly.

"What about that hotel thing?" asked Luigi.

"That was all just a big misunderstanding," said Bowser, holding up his hands. "I didn't _mean_ to get you guys involved, but the kids weren't cooperating and I was having a bad day and-"

"That's enough," growled Bowselta. "We're getting off-topic."

"Indeed," said Luigi. "So the plan is that we come back with you and help save the Koopalings from Donkey Kong, right?"

"If you agree to it," responded Bowselta.

"Luigi!" said Mario, pulling his brother aside and hissing in his ear. "What are you-a-doing, how can you agree to help them? Even if it _is_ their-a-kids, they're-a-_evil_, they have-a-Peach and Daisy!"

"That's the point," whispered Luigi. "They give us a lift back and we trounce them. Daisy, Peach and everyone else will be free-"

"I assure you that won't be necessary," said Bowselta.

Luigi paled. _Does she have supersonic bat hearing or something?_

Mario wasn't a phased by Bowselta's audio accomplishments. "What do you-a-mean?"

"I mean, Peach and the others are already making preparations for their 'freedom' from us. By the time you help us save the Koopalings all the kingdoms we conquered will be free of Koopan soldiers," explained Bowselta.

"Wait, so you won't surrender to Donkey Kong but you'll give it all up for us?" asked Luigi – that seemed a bit far-fetched too.

"Not exactly," said Bowser. "We're not _surrendering_ to you, we're making a deal. We're giving up the Kingdoms on _our_ terms, not some coconut-sucking monkey's."

"But, you're going all the way back to square one," said Luigi, still suspicious of the Dragon-Koopas. "With Mario and I back, you'll never conquer the kingdoms again."

"Says who?" snapped Bowser. "Bowselta and I make a mean team, let me tell ya – you guys don't stand a chance!"

"Bowser! This isn't the time for posturing," warned Bowselta before turning back to Luigi and Mario. "I already told you, we just want our kids back and we don't care about the price we'll have to pay. Now do we have a deal or not?"

Mario and Luigi looked at each other, silently agreeing on an answer. Then Mario stepped forward. "Yes, we have-a-deal."

With that he thrust forward a hand to Bowselta who shook it. "Perfect," she said, her face twisting into a sinister grin. "We leave at dawn."

-xxxxx-

"Where's Diddy?"

"I dunno."

"What was he doing again?"

"I dunno."

"What are we waiting for?"

"I dunno."

"Do you know _anything_," gasped Donkey Kong in exasperation.

"More than you," quipped Dixie.

"Humph, what about any of you guys?" demanded DK, turning to his fellow Kongs. Candy, Funky, Lanky, Swanky, Tiny, Kiddy and Chunky Kong silently stared back. "Thanks for the help," huffed Donkey.

"It's your own fault," cackled Cranky from the corner. "If you can't remember what your subordinates are doing then how are _they_ supposed to know themselves?"

"Don't you mean 'we'?" sneered Candy.

"I'm nobody's subordinate!" yelled Cranky brandishing his cane at Candy. "And don't you forget it, missy!"

"What-ever!" she said, rolling her eyes.

Silence fell in the cave. A computer terminal beeped peacefully, and water dripped somewhere deeper inside the volcano. Donkey Kong glanced uneasily at the cavern's wide mouth. He could hear the leaves in the jungle underbrush rustling and he could see the trees waving in the breeze. Something was about to happen – he could feel it.

"Where's Diddy?" he asked again.

Dixie growled but as she opened her mouth to respond the ground started shaking.

"What the?" she gasped, as the computer screen above her head started blaring out "DANGER! DANGER!" and a hoard of figures stormed the cave entrance.

Bowser and Bowselta led the pack with Mario, Luigi, Peach, Daisy and Kammy Koopa on their heels. The majority of the army was Koopan, made up of Koopa Troops, Hammer Bros. (and their kin), Koopatrols and a couple Lakitus. The Buzzy Beetles and Goombas had been left on Isle Delfino since they were too slow to keep up with the assault charge, and there hadn't been any Magikoopas on the island. The non-Koopa Troop members in the throng were the aforementioned humans and a smattering of Peach's Toad attachés (including Toad himself).

By the looks of things, Bowselta's plan had worked. She and Bowser had Kammy fly the Koopa Cruiser to Isle Delfino to pick up the troops that had been gathering there, under the pretense of transporting them back to Dark Land. Then, Bowser, Bowselta, the Mario bros. and the princesses used the _KoopaCord_ to secretly leave the Mushroom Continent, meeting up with the Koopa Cruiser and heading to Donkey Kong Island as fast as the planes could fly. They then snuck through the jungle, and once they all regrouped, they charged, effectively trapping the Kongs in their cave.

"There's no escape, Kong!" spat Bowselta.

"Yeah, we've got you outnumbered, ten-to-one!" sneered Bowser.

"So if you know what's good for you, you'll surrender!" quipped Daisy.

The other soldiers filled the cavern with echoing sounds of accord. Then Cranky's cackling rose above the din. "Heh heh heh, ten-to-one eh? Amateurs!"

"Oh yeah?" sneered Luigi.

"I've-a-beaten you before and I'll beat you again!" proclaimed Mario.

"Oh no! _I'm _not fighting, it wouldn't be fair to you novices! Heh heh! No, I prefer to sit by and give advice on how to not stink so badly at the games I mastered decades ago!" said Cranky, swaying contentedly in his rocking chair.

"This is no game," hissed Bowselta. "Now release the Koopalings or I'll rip you to shreds."

"Such violence: this _game_ will have to be rated T at least," chuckled Cranky.

"Not that you actually _will_ tear us to shreds," said Dixie confidently.

"Oh yeah? Who's gonna stop us?" shouted Daisy, matching Dixie's spunk.

"We are," huffed the little chimp.

"Hah!" challenged Luigi, casting a hopeful side-glance at Daisy. "You and what army?"

"This army," said Donkey Kong, slamming a fist down on the computer terminal.

Immediately the mountain started shaking as a quick warning siren blared through the tunnels. Then the outside light glinting through the cave mouth caught something moving in the depths of the cave. Moments later, a hoard of large animals charged into the room, skidding to a halt behind the Kongs. They were DK's animals buddies: Rambi the Rhino; Expresso the Ostrich; Hoofer the Wildebeest; Squitter the Spider; Rattly the Rattlesnake; Winky the Frog; Flurl the Squirrel; Squawks, Flapper and Quawks the Parrots; Ellie the Elephant; a hoard of White Monkeys; and a flock of Helibirds.

"Oh," said Luigi quietly, shrinking back beside Mario who viewed the newcomers indifferently.

"Pff, so you've got a zoo on your side, big deal, _I_'ve got a whole army," bragged Bowser.

"Excuse me?" said Bowselta, raising an eyebrow.

"Uh, I mean _we_ have a whole army," said Bowser hastily. "Oh, and Mario," he added. "So you don't stand a chance."

"I beg to differ," came a voice from high above.

Everyone looked up. "Who said that?" asked Peach.

Her questioned was answered as a blue-clad Magikoopa with white-trimmed sleeves and a drooping, white-trimmed hat flew out of the shadows on a beat up old broomstick. Behind him whirred at least ten Toadies and a couple dozen Magikoopas of all different colours.

Bowser, Bowselta and Kammy all gasped. The King of the Koopas was the first to speak up. "Kamek!"

"'Tis I, Your _Highness_," sneered Kamek.

"What are you doing here?" snarled Bowselta.

"Isn't it obvious?" drawled the old Magikoopa. "I'm here to help with the war."

"And about time too," growled Bowser.

"I don't think he means he'll be helping _us_, per-say," said Bowselta.

"Ever the observant one," said Kamek. "That caused me much grief in the past, that did. But that time has come to an end."

"What are you talking about?" asked Bowser.

Kamek rolled his eyes. "Don't you see? It was _I_ who kidnapped the Koopalings! You didn't think I was actually _vacationing_ in the Beanbean Kingdom did you? No! I was practicing my hypnotism skills for a reason! In case that witch ever came back." Bowselta scowled as Kamek pointed his red-jeweled wand at her accusingly. The Magikoopa matched her gaze. "I knew from the moment I saw you that you were trouble. You came between Bowser and I before he was ready to continue Morton's work as king."

"Oh come off it, you're just bitter I replaced you in court and took your power over the kingdom," hissed Bowselta.

"That was only half of it all," snorted Kamek indignantly. "I devoted _twenty years_ to Bowser, and you tricked him into forsaking me in a single day."

"Hey!" interrupted Bowser. "She didn't make me send you away, it was all _your_ controlling that did that! You were so bossy – and I had finally had enough of it!"

"I was your advisor! Your godfather! I was trying to mold you into a great ruler like your father, to bring the Koopa Kingdom to a new, glorious age of supremacy over all other lands!"

"Well, in case you hadn't noticed, it was! Just now, until you kidnapped our kids!" spat Bowser.

"Yeah, what's your problem?" jeered Bowselta.

"You are!" spat Kamek, before pointing at Bowser. "And you too! You're nothing like Morton! Your reign would never have lasted! The Koopan culture would have died out with all the humans and Toads and Sarasalanders diluting the kingdom! You should have bent them to you will – to our people's will, but instead you used _peace_, not power, to get your land! That _never_ works!"

"_Peace?_ Hardly," smirked Daisy, thinking of Bowselta's brutal battle with the Mario bros, and the invasion that swept across her and Peach's kingdoms.

Kamek ignored the Sarasaland princess. "I knew you two wouldn't surrender: I knew you would come down here to fight Kong yourself, and then my brainwashed little animal farm and I would kill you. Then I would dispose of my minions and 'save' my dear great-godchildren, raising them as I raised you, Bowser. Only better. I would make the Koopalings as great as Morton – as great as I once predicted you would become. But I was wrong about _you_, and I can't put all the blame on _her_." Kamek once again short Bowselta a cold look before continuing. "I could have raised you more effectively: I should have taught you more about power, and less about freedom. I should have shielded you from the Mario bros. so you wouldn't have learned of defeat, only power!"

"Sheesh!" snorted Bowselta. "Morton-this, power-that! Do you honestly have _nothing_ else on your mind?"

"How dare you!" fumed Kamek.

"No, how dare you!" spat Kammy. "How dare you betray Bowser and Bowselta and _me_? Your own sister?"

"You're the traitor, Kammy!" boomed Kamek. "As are they! Traitors to the Koopa Troop and Koopa Kingdom! They have forsaken their Koopan tradition and their Koopan prestige! Do you not see it? They brought the Mario bros. _back_! The humans who dyed the earth red with Koopan blood – who made a laughing stock of our name! They released the land they captured after centuries of war between our people and the rest of the world! The Koopas were on top, and they let it all fall down!"

"You're wrong!" shrieked Kammy. "_You_ are responsible! You _tore_ it down! I told you that your obsession with King Morton Koopa would be your end! I warned you about going down this path!"

"Enough!" shouted Kamek. "You are wrong, sister! You were always foolish – too loyal for your own good! I see where that misplaced alliance lies today, and though I'd rather not, if I have to do away with you alongside Bowser and Bowselta, I will."

"How can you say that?" gasped Peach. "She's your _sister_!"

"She'd do the same to me," shrugged Kamek.

"No I wouldn't!" wailed Kammy, before turning somber and sighing. "I _can't_, and if you will not stop this madness, I will not make you."

"What?" gasped Bowser and Bowselta.

"But Kammy, you said you'd follow me to the end!" said Bowser, fighting to keep the betrayal and hurt from his voice. "How can you stab me in the back like this?"

"I'm not fighting _you_!" she exclaimed, horrified Bowser would think she was so low. "All I'm saying is that I can't fight my brother either."

Bowser scowled. "I always knew you were a flaky old hag."

Kammy looked stricken, fortunately Bowselta came to her rescue. "Don't worry about it, Kammy: I understand. You don't have to fight." Bowselta leaned in closer and barely moving her lips she hissed a barely audible order. "Instead, I want you to fly around the mountain and find the Koopalings. Get them out before the battle ends – just in case the worst happens, I need to know they'll be safe."

"Of course! Your Wonderfulness!" choked Kammy tearfully, turning her broom around and speeding from the cave as fast as she could.

"What did you tell her to do?" asked Kamek suspiciously.

"Never you mind," growled Bowselta. "All you have to worry about is us, 'cause we're going to crush your little rebellion."

"Yeah," nodded Bowser. "If you think a pack of mind-wiped monkeys and their pets, and a handful of Magikoopas and Toadies are going to stop us, think again."

Kamek laughed, and blasted the computer screen with his wand, shutting it off. But that wasn't all he had done, and within moments a massive steel curtain had slid from the roof of the cave, sealing the mouth and plunging the cavern into total darkness.

The Koopas and their allies blinked their eyes blindly, bracing for an attack from the other side, but instead, one by one, pale white lights began lighting up above them.

"What the-" began Bowselta, but Luigi cut her off with a scream.

"What is it?" asked Peach, squinting at the green-clad plumber in the faint light.

"G- g- g- g-" stammered Luigi, his legs turning to jelly beneath him.

"Spit it out!" snapped Daisy.

"Ghosts!" he gasped, pointing up at the lights with a shaking hand. Suddenly the room was filled by high-pitched cackling as more and more Boos appeared in the gloom. Luigi fell to the ground, white as the phantoms themselves.

Kamek's laughter joined in the chorus. "Now who's outnumbered?"

"It doesn't matter! We'll still beat you!" spat Bowselta, staring up at the enemies above her, trying to figure out which shadow was Kamek.

"You don't stand a chance!" bellowed Bowser.

"We-a-always win!" shouted Mario. Luigi merely whimpered meekly at his side.

"Bowselta beat you once already," Kamek reminded them. "And I shall do so again, only this time I'll make sure you _can't_ come back! Ha ha ha!"

"Huh! Huh! Huh!" grunted DK and the other Kongs.

"Heh! Heh! Heh!" chuckled Cranky from the corner.

"Heheheeeehehheheheheheeeheh!" cackled the Boos, as they, Kamek and the rest of his forces swooped down upon their victims in a flurry of light and sound.


	6. Roundabout

**A/N****: Just so you know, Kilo-class submarines (also known as ****Project 877, or **_**Paltus**_**) ****aren't fictional; one is actually numbered ****B-354, and according to the **_**Federation of American Sciences**_**, it was in the reserves of the Russian Navy, as of September, 2000. It was completed between 1982 and 1994, and was damaged in a fire on July 4, 1989; as far as I know it never saw active duty, though this is just speculation. Obviously, I made up the fact that Bowselta purchased it in 1995 (in February, to be exact) and named it **_**Slug**_** (it was never given a name in real life). Why I chose the '95 date will be revealed in a future story; and yes, I know I am neurotic for going and finding an actual submarine for my story, but that's just how I roll.**

Chapter 5: Roundabout

"Just a bit higher!"

"Ugh, easy for you ta say."

"Sheesh, just do what he says, Roy."

"Why don't _you _do what he says, _Wen-dee_."

"To be technical, Junior didn't actually _tell_ anyone to do anything, he just says we need to get him a bit higher. Therefore-"

"Therefore, you should shadup!" snarled Roy.

"Yeah, nobody asked for your opinion, Iggy," sneered Wendy.

"He didn't share his opinion, he was just stating the facts-"

"Hey, _you_ can just keep your trap-clap shut too, Morton," huffed Roy.

"Enough! This bickerin's gettin' us nowhere! Somebody do _somethin'_ down there!" cried Junior, looking down on his siblings. The Koopalings were all standing on top of each other, forming a teetering tower to a small crack in the cavern wall high above the floor. Roy – being the strongest – was on the bottom, with Ludwig standing on his shoulders holding up Morton. The talkative Koopaling was in turn supporting Iggy, who had Larry on his shoulders, and Wendy on his. Wendy was holding Lemmy's rubber ball above her head, and finally Lemmy (balancing on the ball) held Junior's feet aloft in his hands.

Unfortunately, Junior's fingertips were about a foot beneath the lip of the crack and he didn't dare jump up to close the gap. It had been murder for each Koopaling to climb up their siblings, and the tower had gotten more and more wobbly with each additional Dragon-Koopa piling up. Lemmy was the only one with good enough balance who could reliably hop up to the crack and not send his brothers and sister tumbling down, but Junior had insisted on being on top of the pile since he was the youngest.

Of course, in most circumstances, the fact that Lemmy was actually the same size as Junior would have overridden the youngest Koopaling, but this was different. It had been Junior's leadership that had turned Larry's escape plan into reality. It had been Junior's initiative that had gotten the all across the lava pit (he screamed at his siblings until they swallowed their fear and climbed the vine Diddy Kong had lowered into the cage from the tunnel leading from the chamber). It had been Junior who had gotten them this far through the winding cave.

True, _Ludwig_ had kept the group calm during the multiple alarms that had filled the cavern mere moments before they formed their living tower. And yes, it had been _Iggy_'s idea to make the tower after _Lemmy_ spotted the crack in the wall. Also, Morton had helped with the screaming in the lava chamber, Wendy had helped navigate the tunnels, and Roy had allowed the tower idea to fly by volunteering to be on the bottom. Recall that the original escape plan was Larry's and you realize the entire thing was a group effort. So what's the real reason Junior's on top? Simple – he was as much of a spoiled brat as Wendy, and that's saying something.

Back home, Junior was used to getting all of Bowser's attention since he was more like the King of the Koopas than the rest of his siblings, both in looks and personality. Whenever he doesn't get what he wants, Junior would throw tantrums and go crying to Bowser, who immediately set things right – for Junior. Sure, Bowser wasn't there to help Junior boss his siblings around in the cave, but Junior would still make a scene if he didn't get his way. As far as the other Koopalings were concerned, it was just easier to let him be on top.

Until now, that is.

"If you just let _me_ be on the top I'd've had us out by now," sneered Lemmy.

Junior resisted the urge to stomp on his brother's face. Instead, he deflected the issue. "It doesn't matter now. All that does matter is that tha tower needs ta get a foot taller!"

"What do you want us to do, stretch?" scoffed Wendy.

"Perhaps zose of you vit people on your shoulders can use your arms instead," suggested Ludwig.

"No can do," sighed Iggy, "there's no way I can lift these guys with my arms."

"Same here," murmured Larry, ashamed at his shortcoming.

"Aww, don't sweat it Lare," smiled Morton, recognizing the Koopaling's tone. "You're an ecto-mesomorph, same with Mum. Nice, compact muscular form, but no bulging muscles like King Dad: for that you need to be more of an endo-mesomorph."

"Or just a straight mesomorph," said Roy. "I ain't no fattie."

"Endomorphs aren't necessarily fat, they just put on weight faster, ectomorphs are the opposite. They don't gain wait easily but they lose it like that," preached Iggy, snapping his fingers to emphasize his point before hurriedly re-gripping Wendy's leg.

"Fascinating," said Wendy, rolling her eyes.

"And us mesomorphs gain and lose weight easily, and all dat's left is muscles!" bragged Roy, not noticing the sarcasm in his sister's voice.

"Vell, oh mighty mesomorph," smirked Ludwig. "If you're zee mountain of muscles you claim to be, vy don't you use your arms to lift us all up."

"Oh yeah? Maybe I will," huffed Roy, puffing out his chest, and letting go of Ludwig's right leg, fitting his fingers against the instep of Ludwig's foot. "Right, raise dat foot so I can show ya who yer dealing wid!'"

Ludwig did as he was told, but the action made the Koopalings above him sway from side to side.

"Ahh!" shrieked Wendy.

"Be careful!" wailed Junior.

"Wheee!" chuckled Lemmy.

Ludwig slammed his foot back down, fearing for the safety of the other Koopalings. Fortunately Roy had gotten his fingers beneath the foot, and he groaned in pain as they were crunched by the weight suddenly brought down on them.

"Sorry," winced Ludwig empathetically.

"Don't mention it," grunted Roy. "Just raise da utha foot."

Ludwig complied with his younger brother, waiting until he felt Roy's fingers sliding underfoot before bringing the limb down as gently as he could. Although Roy's left hand didn't get crushed, the right one got squished even more.

Roy gritted his teeth as Ludwig planted his weight evenly between the pink-shelled Koopaling's aching hands. "Now, here's da hard part."

With a horrible, heaving groan, Roy extended his arms skyward. Ludwig and the other Koopalings could feel the tremors shooting through their brother's muscles as they rose higher above the ground. But as soon as it had started, it had ended, and Roy, panting with the effort, was holding Ludwig's feet above his hairless pink skull.

"Way ta go Roy!" cheered Junior, easily pulling himself off of Lemmy and into the crack. He heard the other Koopalings praising the "mountain of muscle" but didn't look back down. Instead, he peered through the crawlspace beyond the crack, delighted to find it wasn't pitch black like he had expected it to be, but rather, illuminated by a pale light was filtering from the ceiling. Junior stepped forward into the twilight and was blasted with the icy wind filtering through the gap above his head.

He grinned and turned back to the crack. "There's a way out!"

"Really?" called Lemmy.

"Yeah, there's light and wind and snow coming through this big ol' hole in tha roof!" grinned Junior, looking down at his siblings.

"Snow?" asked Wendy. "But this is a volcano."

"Half of DK Mountain is covered in snow," said Iggy. "It hasn't erupted in ages: that lava chamber's deep down inside it and none of the heat gets to the surface so the snow isn't melted."

"Yeah, whateva proffesa, skip da lecture so we can get on wid it already, I'm _dyin'_ down here," grumbled Roy.

"Hmmm," said Ludwig.

"'Hmm' what?" snapped Roy.

"Uhh, heh, I just realized somesing vee should have considered a vile ago…"

"What?" moaned Wendy, fearing the worst.

"How are zee rest of us going to get up to zee crack?"

"I can jump," chirped Lemmy.

"Lucky you," growled Wendy, before rounding on Iggy. "Great plan, genius. Junior and Lemmy get out, but what are the rest of us supposed to do?"

"Uh, maybe Junior can run and find a vine or something," suggested Iggy sheepishly.

"But it's _snowing_," hissed Wendy. "Vine's don't grow in snow."

"Actually Wendy, you're wrong," said Morton. "I've read about at least one species of vine native to DK Island that grows on the mountain summit-"

"Yo! What did I tell you people about flapping yer chaps! SHADUP AND DO SOMETIN' USEFULL!"

"Don't worry Roy, we'll find one of the vines!" called Lemmy, springing up to the crack effortlessly. "Throw up my ball!"

As Wendy threw up the rubber orb, Junior clambered up through he crawlspace, emerging onto the mountain summit. He looked around at the barren landscape: there wasn't a speck of vegetation in sight.

"There's nothin' here," huffed Junior as Lemmy came up behind him.

The older Koopaling didn't seem to care. "Oooh, I _love_ the snow," he grinned.

Junior scowled. "Do you _ever_ take _anything_ seriously?"

"Sure I do," said Lemmy. "But this is no problem. We just have to look around a bit."

"But what about the others? Are they supposed to stay stacked up like that all day?"

"No. In fact, I told them to get unstacked: once we find a vine they'll be able to climb up one-by-one."

"And if we can't find a vine?" demanded Junior, his voice rising in pitch.

"We will," said Lemmy, waving off his brother's worries and trying to roll away, but Junior blocked him

"What about all those alarms? For all we know th'entire Kong clan's after us. The others could get recaptured at any moment!"

"No they won't: they'll be able to fight the monkeys no problem."

"Yeah, like in tha garden!" scoffed Junior, his voice getting carried away by the wind.

"They took us by surprise then. This time, the others'll be on the lookout for danger."

"It doesn't matter!" screeched Junior.

"I don't see why you're getting so upset," said Lemmy. "I know it's been a stressful week – and a particularly difficult day – but don't take it out on me…"

"Maybe if you took things seriously for once, I wouldn't!" growled Junior.

"I told you, I _do_ take things seriously. I just don't let myself get bent out of shape – like you are now."

"I'm not bent outta shape!" screamed Junior.

Lemmy frowned, but as he opened his mouth to respond another voice was heard above the howling winds: "_Juuuuniooooor?_"

The youngest Koopaling paled. "Did you hear that?"

"Yeah, it sounded familiar," mused Lemmy.

"Do ya think it's a Kong?"

"If it were, it wouldn't be calling your name."

Junior frowned, as the voice called again: "_Junior!_"

"It's gettin' louder," moaned the youngest Koopaling, wondering if he should call back.

"Look!" exclaimed Lemmy, pointing into the distance.

Junior squinted through the flying snow, catching sight of a shape floating in the white background.

"We're over here!" bellowed Lemmy.

"What are you doing?" gasped Junior.

"Don't you see who it is?" grinned Lemmy.

Junior turned back to the object. It was closer now, and he could see its shape. It seemed to be waving, and it was purple. He gasped, "Kammy!"

"Your Kidnappednesses!" cried the old Magikoopa, swooping down on the two Koopalings. "Your parents and I were so worried! Where are the others?"

"There down below," said Lemmy, pointing to the crack he and Junior had come from.

Kammy immediately flew her broomstick down into the shadows and immediately returned, levitating the other six Koopalings behind her with her wand.

She set them down next to Lemmy and Junior and cast a spell around the group, cutting out the howling wind and swirling snow so she could speak with them easily.

"Oh, Bowser and Bowselta will be so pleased I found you!" said Kammy, bubbling with happiness. "But how did you escape the Kongs?"

"It doesn't matter," said Ludwig, taking the lead over his siblings. "Vere are Muzzer and Fazzer? Vhy are you here? Did zey send you here all zee vay from Dark Land?"

"No, they're here, in the volcano, fighting the Kongs and Kamek," explained Kammy.

"Kamek?" gasped the Koopalings.

"What's he doing here?" demanded Morton, beating his siblings to the question.

"Yeah, what's going on? Why did Donkey Kong kidnap us?" huffed Wendy as her brothers nodded in accord.

Kammy sighed. "It's a long story. Basically, Kamek feels that Bowser is a bad ruler, and he thinks if he kills your parents he can raise you to be more like King Morton. But he couldn't kidnap you on his own because then you would hate him, so he hypnotized the Kongs to do the dirty work, then he could swoop in and be the hero."

"I always had a funny feeling about Kamek," mused Roy.

"You have a funny feeling about _everyone_," scoffed Wendy.

"Kamek did seem a bit shifty," said Larry quietly. "No offence, Kammy."

None taken," she said. "My brother and I haven't seen eye-to-eye since, well, since we were your age."

"I hope that doesn't happen to us," said Lemmy sadly.

"Oh, like we're not already at each other's throats half the time already," said Wendy, rolling her eyes.

"Enough! We should be getting a move on, not standing around chatting-"

"You're one to talk, Morton," interrupted Roy.

"Hey!"

"He's right zough," said Ludwig, turning to Kammy. "If Muzzer and Fazzer are fighting Kamek, vee have to help zem."

Kammy shook her head. "Oh no, that won't be necessary: they've got Mario and Luigi on their side – they can't lose."

"Mario and Luigi?" exclaimed the Koopalings.

"How'd they get back?" demanded Junior.

"Bowselta took Bowser and picked them up from Earth," said Kammy.

"Are they crazy?"

"She actually went _back_ to the human world?"

"Are you sure you're still working for _our_ parents?"

Kammy chuckled at the kids' disbelief. She had been so worried she would never see them again, or hear their voices again, or feel exasperated by their antics again. She couldn't believe she had actually thought she had escaped the Koopalings and their reckless, childish, bickering ways. What a fool she had been!

-xxx-

It was utter chaos. Fireballs, spells and Boos flashed on and off in the blackness like fireworks, making it impossible for anyone to see clearly. Luigi had briefly solved the problem by flicking on the flashlight he had taken to carrying wherever he went (for fear of ghosts), but Kamek had quickly destroyed the gizmo, injuring Luigi in the process.

The princesses, Mario and most of the Toads were still fighting, but no matter how hard they tried, they could barely fend off the swarming Boos, much less try to go after Kamek. The traitorous Magikoopas who had joined Kamek had made quick work of the Koopan army, and the few Koopatrols who had survived the initial onslaught of spells found themselves up against a hoard of angry animals. The Kongs themselves were pursuing Bowser and Bowselta through the pandemonium, as Kamek had hypnotized them into doing whatever they could to eliminate the two Dragon-Koopas. Bowser roared in anger and spat flare after flare at the primates while Bowselta aimed her firebreath towards Kamek.

Unfortunately the Magikoopa was surrounded by his faithful Toadies, and Bowselta's attacks never hit their marks. She growled in frustration: not only were the Toadies living shields, they also made it nearly impossible to pick out Kamek himself. Bowselta had excellent night vision, but the strobe-light effect of the battle was making it impossible for her to pick out the blue amongst the red in the crowd floating above the chaos.

"Kowabunga!" boomed a voice from behind Bowselta. She turned just in time to see Bowser hit over the head by Funky Kong's surfboard. The King of the Koopas started toppling backwards and Bowselta leapt out of the way, getting seized from behind by a pair of long, hairy arms the second she landed. Snarling the Queen of the Koopas flipped backwards, landing with her spiked shell driven deep into Lanky's Kong's body.

He wailed in pain and released Bowselta, who immediately sprung into the air sending a fireball skyward at Kamek (having finally spotted him amongst the Toadies). Kamek was nearly three times Bowselta's age, but had used potions to keep his body youthful – as a result, his reflexes were still quite sharp. He saw the fireball coming and sent a spell to meat it in midair, causing a small explosion. Bowselta was blinded by the light and didn't see Kamek's attack coming until it was too late. A burning sensation ripped through her body as she was flung backwards through the air, smacking against the cave wall and slumping to the ground in a daze.

Kamek laughed and called through the deafening noise to Bowselta: "had enough?"

Bowselta hissed angrily and started pushing herself to her feet.

"Oh no! We can't have _that_!" jeered Kamek, who was watching Bowselta with the crystal ball in his hand. It had been brilliant idea, as the ball illuminated all the people displayed in it. Therefore, Kamek could keep an eye on the entire battle while everyone else struggled, half-blind in the dark. He laughed and ran a hand over the sphere, activating its second function: summoning his secret weapon.

Immediately a Big Boo materialized in front of Bowselta. She opened her mouth to flame the specter, though she knew it was too late. Suddenly, an explosion rocked the mountain and the cavern was illuminated by the angry red light of a massive fireball. Everyone looked to the mouth of the cave where the blast had come from, and were dazzled by a stream of brilliant white sunshine. The Boos screamed and shrank from the light before truing invisible and fleeing. The Big Boo also disappeared and Bowselta was able to clearly see the hole in the blast door, gasping when she saw the eight Koopalings throw themselves through the smoking ring of twisted, red-hot metal.

"What are you doing?" she cried as they recklessly dashed across the room in all directions: they had no clue what was happening, they shouldn't be fighting. _They shouldn't even be here_, though Bowselta as she ran into the centre of the cave. It was much more spacious than it had seemed in the dark, though the lack of Boos made a big difference. Now the only things in the air were a few Animal Buddies, a smattering of Magikoopas and the crowd of Toadies surrounding Kamek. The ground was littered with dead or injured Koopas, and three groups of fighting remained: Bowser fighting the Kongs to Bowselta's left, the humans and Toads getting dive-bombed by Magikoopas across from that, and the Koopatrols tussling with the Animal Buddies at the back of the cave.

The Koopalings had dispersed amongst these battles: Junior had rushed to the aid of the Koopan soldiers and was using his magic paintbrush to blind the animals. Ludwig and Iggy were using their lighting powers to help Mario, the princesses and Luigi (who had found his second wind after the Boos departed) shoot down Magikoopas. The rest were using their magic wands, firebeath and every other power they could muster to help Bowser with the Kongs. Bowselta observed this in a matter of seconds, gritting her teeth anxiously. She did not want the Koopalings hurt.

"Don't fret, Your Worriedness," said a voice.

Bowselta jumped and turned around, it was Kammy. "You found them?"

"Indeed, atop the mountain," smiled Kammy. "You see, they had already masterminded their own escape."

"That's great, but why did you bring them here?" snapped Bowselta.

"They wanted to help," shrugged Kammy. "And by the looks of things, you need it."

Bowselta looked over her shoulder at the carnage covering the cavern floor. "So?" she said nonchalantly. "We lose ten times this many soldiers each time we invaded the Mushroom Kingdom – at least then we weren't also risking the children's necks." Bowselta paused. "Well… not every time, at least."

Kammy chuckled. "Oh, Your Recollectingness, you think too much sometimes. The Koopalings will be fine… as long as you get my brother before he gets them, that is. And you can't stop him standing around with me. The Koopalings have messed up his carefully laid plans, I suggest you put the distraction to good use."

Bowselta smirked at the old Magikoopa. "You know, sometimes you're too impudent for your own good, Kammy. Must be why Bowser likes you so much!"

With that Bowselta turned and sprinted away from Kammy, weaving through the battling humans and Toads and heading towards Bowser. Kamek watched her go with his crystal ball. With the cover of the darkness and the Boos gone, he had the Toadies close in around him as much as possible, totally cutting him off from danger. He now relied solely on the crystal ball to see. But something was wrong: the sound wasn't coming in as clearly as it should…

-x-

Bowser blasted Kong after Kong. He didn't know who they were, nor did he care. Around him, the Koopalings hopped between the hairy legs, biting, flaming, punching and kicking their opponents. Spells flew through the air, and for once, they weren't aimed at Bowser, as all the Magikoopas were busy with Mario and co. Bowser wondered how the plumber was doing as he swatted Dixie Kong away. The battle was looking up, and Mario probably wouldn't be needed much longer. Bowser hoped he'd get killed by a Magikoopa before the fighting was over, but that was unlikely.

Suddenly Bowselta was at the Koopa King's side. He opened his mouth to ask where she had been for the past couple minutes when she shoved her snout into Bowser's head right below his horn. "Leave these monkeys to the kids," she hissed into Bowser's internal ear. "I need you to distract Kamek."

Without giving Bowser a chance to ask what she meant, Bowselta pulled away from her husband and disappeared into the mass of battling Koopalings and Kongs. High above the throng, Kamek frowned – he hadn't been able to hear what the Queen of the Koopas had told Bowser. He moved his hand across the crystal ball and the image of Bowser looking puzzled about his wife's behavior faded into the fog contained within the sphere. But when Bowselta appeared in the crystal, the image was still cloudy. _What's going on?_ Thought Kamek, using his wand to tap the ball and muttering incantations. But no matter what he did, the image was still hazy, and then it was gone – and in its place was Kammy's grinning face.

"You?" spat Kamek. "What are you doing? Traitor! I though you said you weren't going to fight me!"

"How's this fighting Kamek?" chuckled Kammy. "You used to like playing broken telephone with our parents' crystal balls."

"Our _parents'_ crystals, not mine!" bellowed Kamek, going red in the face with rage. "And in case you haven't noticed we're not little kids anymore!"

"I have noticed," smiled Kammy. "In fact, I think I first noticed when you betrayed our clan and joined the Koopa Troopas."

"Why if it isn't the pot calling the kettle black," snorted Kamek. "_You're_ the traitor here, not me."

"Takes one to know one, traitor," huffed Kammy.

"You're the traitor, witch."

"I know you are, but what am I?"

"Stop acting like a child!"

"No _you_ stop."

"_Me_? You're the one-" but Kamek was cut off when the Toadies hovering in front of him screeched and fell out of the sky, giving the Magikoopa a clear view of Bowser, his mouth still smoking form the flare.

Kamek gasped and glared down at the crystal ball in his claws. "You were distracting me!"

"Guilty as charged," smiled Kammy sadly, her face fading from the ball as Kamek grew too angry to maintain the connection. He shoved the sphere into one of his sleeves and blocked another one of Bowser's flares with a spell. Kamek then turned his wand on Bowser himself, but froze. Could he really kill Bowser? Morton's son? Heck, Bowser was practically _Kamek's_ son. In fact, he remembered getting mistaken about that when Smithy had brainwashed him all those years ago…

Kamek's mind snapped back to the present. The Smithy takeover had shown the Magikoopa the potential of hypnotism, and helped reveal Bowser's mediocrity. In a way, it had led to this day, and Kamek would hesitate no longer. A failure like Bowser was no son of his, nor of Morton's. With an angry cry, Kamek blocked another flare. He then turned to the Toadies that hovered about him.

"What are you doing? Idiots! If you're not going to shield me, get him!"

"But sir," said a Toady in his nasally voice. "You'll be open to attacks from be-"

"I don't care! I can take care of myself! Get him! Get Bowser!" shrieked Kamek.

The Toadies relented, and swooped towards the King of the Koopas. But Bowser was ready for them and let lose a flurry of lighting bolts, knocking the hooded Koopas to the ground. Kamek watched them fall and gazed at their lifeless forms. Bowser was powerful, but he was stupid. Nine times out of ten he wouldn't have used his lightning powers: if he had the brains to actually put all his skills to the test when battling Mario, he would have won long ago. Ludwig and Iggy had much more potential than Bowser, and the other Koopalings did too. Kamek still had faith in his plan – sure it had hit a couple snags, but all was not lost. He could still kill Bowser, he could still brainwash the Koopalings, he could still make the Mushroom World the _Koopa_ World.

Kamek grinned evilly, and blasted away Bowser's next fireball with so much power that the Koopa King had to turn away from the explosion. Now was Kamek's chance, Bowser's eyes were closed – his defenses down. Kamek raised his wand, a maniac grin on his face. He would not flinch or hesitate this time – Bowser was going to die.

The power surged through Kamek's body and the jeweled tip of his wand started to glow and angry red. But as Kamek opened his mouth to scream the killing curse, he failed to notice his true adversary had already launched her attack.

The blast came from behind Kamek, who hadn't seen Bowselta climbing up the cavern wall during his battle against Bowser. The Magikoopa didn't stand a chance. As soon as the fire came in contact with his body the energy he had been building up for the curse was released. In an instant, Kamek had been consumed by a brilliant explosion of while light. Then there was silence, and stillness.

All heads were turned towards Bowser and Bowselta. Some, like Peach, were horrified at what had just happened; others, like the Kongs, were confused as to what had caused the flash.

Bowselta was the first to find her voice. "Kamek is dead! You have no reason to fight us! Surrender and we shall be merciful!"

This had been directed to the traitorous Magikoopas, who obediently sank to the ground and gave Ludwig and Iggy their wands, their heads hanging in shame.

"Sheesh! What quitters!" cackled Cranky from the corner.

"Uh, what's goin' on?" asked Donkey Kong, scratching his head.

"You were mind-wiped by that Magikoopa, that's what!" said Cranky.

"Mind-wiped?" huffed Chunky. "How?"

"How?" scoffed Cranky. "With magic! How else? Of course, it didn't take much for that wizard to put you lot under, no siree! Weak minds, every one of you!"

"Wah! The animals!" cried Dixie, pointing across the hall at the Animal Buddies. Most of them had been felled by the Koopatrols and Junior, and the few who were still standing were covered in cuts, bruises, gouges, and graffiti.

"They were under a spell too," shrugged Cranky, as Dixie and Tiny went to help the animals and the rest of the Kongs started dealing with their wounded comrades. Cranky paid no attention to his injured relatives but continued his mocking. "You're just lucky Little Queenie over there is a half-decent player! Not as good as _me_, mind you, but I'd gladly have her as my Player 2! Heheheh!"

"That old guy's totally creepy," hissed Wendy.

"More like crazy," chuckled Lemmy.

"Hey! Shut up! You lousy brats!" growled Cranky.

The group of five Koopalings ignored the old gorilla and watched as Ludwig, Iggy, Junior, Bowser and Bowselta all made their way over to them. Bowser was trying to hide a limp, and his face was covered in blood (his nose had been broken and his eye blackened by Funky Kong's surfboard). Bowselta was a bit better off, though she had a large burn on her chest and neck from when Kamek blasted her.

Bowselta immediately crouched down to inspect her kids and make sure _they_ were all okay. Aside from some minor cuts and bruises they were fine, and eagerly retold the story of their capture and escape from the Kongs. Bowselta smiled as she and Bowser listened to their children. Behind them Kammy was organizing the Koopatrols, Toads and humans. First the Magikoopa prisoners would be marched back to the Koopa Cruiser by all the able-bodied Koopatrols, who would then send help for the injured Koopas in the cave. Finally, the dead would be collected.

But Bowselta didn't care about any of that right now, all that mattered was that her children were safe.

-xxxxx-

Bowser, Bowselta, the Koopalings and Kammy were lined up outside the Koopa Cord. Facing them were Peach, Daisy, Mario, Luigi, King Toadstool, Toadsworth and the Sarasaland Royal Council. Everyone's injuries had been attended to on the flight back from Donkey Kong Island, and if they hadn't known better, the residents of Mushroom Castle wouldn't have guessed that their beloved Princess Peach had been immersed in a nearly hopeless battle.

Peach looked sadly down her own lineup. Her father, friends and colleagues were glaring at the Koopas with hate like she had never seen before. They thought Bowser was a horrible monster and the Koopalings little terrors. They said Bowselta was more of a witch than Kammy, and they thought she was a coward for asking for help to save her children. But Peach knew better: she knew Bowselta did what she did out of love. She wanted to take over the world because she loved it and because she loved Bowser, and she had brought Mario and Luigi back because she loved the Koopalings. Sure the Koopas were a bit ruthless in how they tried to realize their dreams, but Peach didn't think they deserved the hate burning in her loved ones' eyes.

Hate was the true problem. Bowser's hate for Mario was the reason why he always lost, and Bowselta's hate for the Star Spirits was her downfall. Peach understood that now: she had realized it after the battle, when she saw Bowselta be reunited with her children, and when she saw the pain in Kammy's eyes over Kamek. Kammy loved Kamek, but his hate for Bowser destroyed him. There wasn't enough love in the world. As Kammy had dealt with the Koopan casualties, Peach had offered help to the Kongs. None of them had been killed in the battle, but there were a couple who were severely injured. Nevertheless, Cranky Kong had scorned her kindness and cast her out as fast as he could. If he had let go of his hate, his family could be healed faster. Bowselta had realized this, and that was why she had brought Mario and Luigi back…

"Well, we-a-saved your-a-Koopalings," said Mario, unknowingly voicing Peach's thoughts.

"And we recalled all our troops," said Bowselta coolly.

Mario frowned. "What are you-a-planning?"

"What do you mean?" said Bowselta innocently.

"He means, what are you gonna try and pull now that you've gotten all you can from us?" leered Daisy.

Peach cringed at her friend's accusation.

Bowselta, however, was unfazed. "What? Do you think we're gonna go back on our deal?"

"Yeah, give us some credit – we aren't back-stabbers!" huffed Bowser.

"You were when you were a baby," muttered Luigi, remembering the story of how Prince Bowser had helped Yoshi save him and a bunch of other babies in the past, only to turn on his companions at the last minute.

"You can't hold him accountable for what he did as a baby!" gasped Wendy.

"Yeah, it ain't right!" sneered Roy.

"Low blow," grinned Larry.

"Kids, enough," said Bowselta, watching Luigi look at his shoes in embarrassment.

"But they're right," whined Bowser, earning a glare from Bowselta and obediently falling silent.

The Koopa Queen turned back to the humans and their companions. "We have already kept our part of the deal – aside from the soldiers in the Koopa Cruiser, all our forces are back in Dark Land."

"Even if we do attack now, it'd just be a normal invasion," added Kammy.

"Not that we're _going to_ invade anytime soon," drawled Bowselta.

"'_Anytime soon_'?" growled King Toadstool, feeling sweat collecting on his forehead.

"I don't-a-like the sound of that," said Mario, stepping forward menacingly.

"Vow, talk about melodramatic," quipped Ludwig.

"You said it, Luddy," grinned Lemmy.

"Kids!" warned Bowselta, not taking her eyes off Mario.

Bowser snorted. "Oh, come on, you can't expect us to never do anything to you again."

"Why not?" huffed Daisy.

"Because we're Koopas!" growled Bowser.

"Yes, Super Koopas! Mweh heh heh!"

"Shut up, Kammy."

"Yes, Your Platitudinousness."

"Wait, what?" said Bowser.

"I think it was stemmed from 'platitudinous'," offered Iggy.

"Which means to be dull, or trite, King Dad," said Morton, "I think it comes from the Latin word-"

"No one _cares_ Morton," said Junior, rolling his eyes.

"We're getting off-topic," observed Bowselta.

"Indeed, this should be the grand finale!" said Kammy dramatically.

"Be quiet, ya old bat! It's _your_ fault we're getting off-topic in the first place," growled Bowser.

"Yes, Your Acrimoniousness."

Bowser didn't dare ask what that one meant.

Bowselta sighed. "Look, we're not planning anything, alright. Now we're going back to Dark Land, okay?"

Mario narrowed his eyes. "Okey-dokey."

Peach sighed – she didn't expect a 'thank you', but when she caught Bowser's eye, she saw his gratitude, and that was good enough for her. But she was still worried. Bowselta was no quitter, and she was a good liar. The Koopas turned and started walking up the gangplank into their cruiser. Bowselta had almost disappeared into the ship when Peach stepped forward. "Bowselta!" The Queen of the Koopas stopped and turned around to see the princess at the foot of the walkway. "Please, after all we've been through, don't you see? It doesn't matter how the Star Spirits view you: their power doesn't stem from bias views on good and evil like you seem to believe. Their power comes from love and hate!"

Bowselta's eyes narrowed, but she remained silent as Peach continued.

"That's why you defeated Mario and Luigi before, because you had been gone for so long and you wanted to make Bowser – your long lost love – happy. And your children – you wanted to save them and that's why you defeated Kamek, not because you had us on your side, but because you had love on your side. You put your hate aside to make an alliance with us, but Kamek held onto _his_ hatred, and now he's gone, you see? Hate destroys you – it destroys everyone! That's why you and Bowser have lost all these years, and why Mario's always won: because he saved me for love, and you fought him for hate."

Peach paused and looked up at Bowselta pleadingly. They were so close, if the queen could just see what Peach now understood they would have peace. They would have love and happiness and no more fighting, no more war, no more death, no more _hate_.

"So," said the princess. "Maybe, even if you don't believe me, even if you don't see, then maybe you could still forget your hate, and just go home, and be happy, and not attack us, just for today?"

Peach lapsed into silence, and looked into Bowselta's cynical eyes. Blue on red, ice on fire. Then Bowselta smiled; it wasn't a big smile, but a twist of the corners of her mouth. It wasn't much, but it was kinder than anything Peach had received from the Koopa Queen before. "You obviously put a lot of thought into that speech, Princess."

Peach nodded, not breaking eye contact.

The queen sighed and closed her eyes. "Very well. I may not agree with all you said, but you did help me save my children. So for today, you'll have your peace."

"Thank you," sighed Peach, but Bowselta didn't hear as she walked through the hatch, swinging it closed behind her.

Her face was twisted into a sinister grin, the kindness gone from her eyes and replaced with a cruel and cunning gleam as she turned away from the door. _Yes,_ she thought to herself, _you'll have your peace _today_, but tomorrow… That's a different story_ –_ that's a different story entirely_…


	7. Epilogue: The Promise

**A/N****: And so ends the first story in the **_**Super Koopas**_** trilogy; in my opinion, it's also the weakest of the three, but I hoped you liked it nevertheless. The next installment is called **_**Super Koopa Land**_** – enjoy!**

"DK! Dixie! Anybody!" Diddy Kong strained against the bamboo bars. Kamek had reinforced them with his magic to keep the Koopalings secure, but now it was the monkey who was stuck in the cage. He let go of the bars and sat down panting. He took of his hat and scratched his head, wincing as he touched the large goose egg that had formed. If he ever got a hold of whoever orchestrated that prank-

"Who's there?" whispered a voice.

Diddy jumped to his feet. "It's me, Diddy! Help me, I've been trapped in this cage for _hours_!"

An eerie laugh filled the lava chamber, then a silvery shape rose up through the floor.

Diddy gasped and jumped back, staring wide-eyed at the ghost.

Kamek grinned sinisterly and looked around the cage. He noticed the pile of bananas under the door. "So _that's_ how they got out! They slipped you up when you brought them their food, right?"

"Uhhh…" Diddy had no idea what Kamek was talking about, but the face did seem familiar. Suddenly, re remembered what had happened – not about how he eneded up in the cage, though, just the part where he and the other Kongs were attacked by a gang of Magikoopas. Diddy was pretty sure their leader had been alive when he hypnotized the apes, but ghost or not, this was most certainly him. "Hey! Wait a minute! How dare you come in here and mock me! All this is _your_ fault!"

Kamek sighed. "Indeed. I underestimated Bowselta Koopa and let my emotions get the best of me."

Diddy had _no clue_ who the dead guy was talking about. The silence that feel started getting creepy before long (probably because of the dead guy), so Diddy decided to try striking up some casual conversation. Sure the creepy dead guy was probably responsible for him being stuck in the cage, but he could be a way out, too. "So… my grandmother Wrinkly's a ghost. She said she stayed around on Earth because she wanted to see us all grow up. What's _your_ reason?"

Kamek smiled sadly. "Mine's family too, I guess. But it's _really_ because of a promise I made a long time ago."

"Oh?" said Diddy, he loved stories.

"I left my home when I came of age. I am, er, _was_, the greatest Magikoopa on the planet, but they didn't appreciate it."

"They who?"

"My sister, and everyone else in out village, though it was the same everywhere else I went: no body recognized I was _that _much better than the rest of my species."

"You're so modest," said Diddy sarcastically.

Kamek glared at the monkey, but continued on. "I joined the Koopa Troopa clan – _they_ appreciated my talents. I met Morton Koopa and I recognized his potential. I made him into a powerful general, and helped him become the greatest Koopa King of all time!

"But then he died in a stupid accident and that floozy ruined everything," finished Kamek.

"Floozy?" asked Diddy.

"Bowselta," spat Kamek. "She turned Bowser against me and then she turned my own twin sister too!"

"That's too bad, but how does this have to do with your old promise? Is your twin the family that's involved?"

"Yes," sighed Kamek. "When Kammy and I were kids, our parents got sick. It's unusual for Magikoopas to fall ill because our magic protects us, but there was a plague going around that drained its victims of their power itself. Before she died, my mother made me promise to look after Kammy, who had also caught the disease. Ancient magic must have activated my promise that day: by the looks of things, I can't move on until Kammy doesn't need watching over anymore."

"So… you mean when _she_ dies?" asked Diddy.

"Yep," said Kamek.

"But what if she becomes a ghost too?"

Kamek shrugged his translucent shoulders. "I dunno, maybe I'll still move on, maybe I'll linger with her until she's done whatever she stayed behind to do."

"What if she stayed behind to watch over you?"

"But she never made that promise to Mom. It'd be more likely that she'd want to stay behind to make sure Bowser's all right. As if _that's_ possible," snorted Kamek.

Diddy blinked, and though about what Kamek had said. "Hey wait a minute, if your sister got the disease too why didn't she die?"

Kamek shrugged. "A handful of people who got the disease were simply left barren – it was just dumb luck that she was one of them."

"Oh," said Diddy, lapsing into silence. After a moment he spoke once more. "But aren't you even a little worried you might be stuck in this existence forever?"

"I'd be more worried about being stuck _here_ forever if I were you," responded Kamek, cutting across Diddy's train of thought.

"Why?" wondered the monkey, a bit concerned at Kamek's implications.

"Well, most of your fellow Kongs left about an hour ago. They had a bunch of wounded so they were going to Brooklyn to get professional help," explained Kamek.

Diddy paled. If they were going to Big Ape City, they wouldn't be back for days. "But wait, you said _most_ of them."

"That's right," nodded the ghost of Kamek. "Cranky stayed behind."

"Oh, that's good," sighed Diddy.

"He's not going to come looking for you though," said Kamek. "He says if you're worth anything, you'd get yourself out."

Diddy was a bit disheartened, but he pushed on. "But you know where I am. You can go and tell Cranky so he won't have to _search_ for me. Tell him it's impossible to get out of this cage."

"The Koopalings got out."

"Who?"

"The kids you let out."

"I can't remember anything that happeend after yo and your goons hypnotized us," whined Diddy.

"That's your problem," shrugged Kamek.

"Well, can't you at least try to get Cranky?"

"No."

"Why?" gasped Diddy.

"Because," began Kamek, shooting Diddy a twisted smile, "as far as I know, I'm going to be stuck haunting this volcano for a while. And I doubt I'm going to get another captive audience anytime soon."

Diddy paled. Then, without saying another word to Kamek, he turned around, grabbed the bamboo bars and started pulling at the door, calling for help.

Kamek sighed, this was going to be a long afterlife.

The End


End file.
